Recently, I’ve noticed that my TikTok has repeatedly asked me, “what is the equivalent of flowers for men?” The comments would be flooded with an overwhelming number of men saying, “banana bread” or “chocolate chip banana bread.” I asked myself why this was. Was it because men want a homemaker or was it because men love that this was a caring act of service? This modern twist on “the way to a man’s heart” is a concept that intrigues me.
Through my research, I found that this trend was brought up by a TikTok posted by @tre0ntiktok. “Somebody made a post saying, ‘What’s the male equivalent to flowers?’ And somebody commented, ‘banana bread.’ Now when I read that, I was like, lowkey? That does sound pretty nice. And then the whole conversation agreed. That was the most universal thing I’ve ever seen.” I witnessed several other videos of men talking about banana bread or other baked goods in the comments.
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTMky1dCY
I believe that this is caused by the epidemic of men wanting a traditional household. The statistics of men wanting a stay-at-home wife have skyrocketed. More men want to revert to those times. Is it inherently bad to have one spouse stay-at-home? No, but specifically searching for a wife who will complete all acts of service for you is a little strange.
I have personally had men ask me to bake them stuff or ask me to cook for them. Specifically, men that are not my boyfriend. The minute these men find out I am a mediocre cook; they want me to do something for them. I have seen this happen to my other friends as well.
I think this phenomenon is okay when you and the person you are talking to have equal respect towards each other and you both are gifting things to each other. In this circumstance, you both equally appreciate the acts of service or gift-giving that are taking place.
My version of this is my pumpkin bread, a recipe that I’ve made mostly for my friends, a situation where both parties share equal respect towards each other. I only choose to cook or bake for a man when they are my boyfriend. I do not want to bake for someone I like; I want to bake for someone who I know likes me. I do not want to use this tactic to “make someone like me.” I get nervous when I see this rhetoric on TikTok; specifically, when I see women baking or going out of their way to do something nice for a man (that isn’t their boyfriend). Knowing the dating culture nowadays, it feels like one is always chasing someone who is not emotionally available. You do not need to do something for someone in order for them to like you; they will either like you for you or not at all.
The “banana bread epidemic” is inherently a playful idea, but I believe it can come from traditionalist viewpoints. I think you and your partner should equally gift-give to each other if you both choose to. But I think you should never go out of your way for someone if they would not reciprocate that for you.