I am a hopeless romantic. There’s no denying it, and I’m OK with that. However, I also know that I have felt a lot of almost love.
Almost love is exactly like it sounds: the love that you almost get, the love that was just out of reach, the love that you ponder about later on. Almost love is the type that movies and TV shows enjoy playing out because there is immense yearning and tension, yet the people never make it.
Throughout my life, I’ve pondered many what-ifs. What if I hadn’t chickened out? What if I broke that promise? What if I sent that message?
While Valentine’s Day has passed, it’s hard not to feel nostalgic over the what-ifs of your love life. I know that suppressed memories of my own come up, especially when I start to feel sappy over romance — I blame To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before for that.
Despite that, there’s nothing wrong with reminiscing about how love could have been in your life.
Most recently, I’ve been fond of people I might never see again, the ones that I’ve lost contact with and those who I might never speak to again. It’s an interesting limbo of reaching out to someone you missed and understanding that it’s already gone.
It’s like waiting at a train station, knowing one will never come.
I like to think of them while music plays or when it’s late at night. Honestly, they come most in use when I need inspiration. The color of their eyes, their hair, the way they used to laugh at bad jokes, the imperfect smiles. I’ve even used their memory to write this.
It’s the small details that I don’t want to let go of because letting go means admitting that the love there will forever be gone.
Almost love is the hardest to leave behind because you don’t want it to be over. You don’t want to leave a honey memory out to wither away in the heat — it’s like watching the one you’ve always cared for die.
However, it’s important to remember that there’s more to come. While I like to remind myself of previous almosts, I try to remember the future and what is yet to come. The future of soft smiles and finding a home in a right now kind of love — not later, not maybe, not almost.
And, I hope you find your right now love too.