It’s a Friday night and you’re about to meet up with your boyfriend who you love so dearly. He rings your doorbell and your heart rate increases just enough for you to know it’s going to be a great night. You end up at the restaurant you two always go to and you order three or four glasses of Pino Grigio—just enough for you to look flushed after laughing at something he said that was absolutely hilarious—too hilarious to even remember. Flash forward five hours and you’re at his place. You’re feeling frisky and so is he. He kisses you, but not just any kiss. It’s the kind of kiss that leads to one thing, that leads to another… but there’s a problem.
This problem isn’t uncommon—in fact, Wikipedia has claimed that 26 percent of women pretend the problem doesn’t exist every single time they have sex. If you haven’t guessed by now, I’m talking about the infamous faked orgasm; it’s essentially putting on an act during intercourse and/or oral sex by making the other person believe you’ve reached orgasm but actually you did not. Now, women aren’t the only members of this group. Men have also reported to have faked orgasms during sex. However, just because this phenomenon is common doesn’t mean it’s acceptable. This should be a huge sign that our society has failed to represent female sexuality.
Female sexuality used to be (and sometimes still is) a topic that society has tried try to avoid—and the stereotypes that surround a sexually awakened woman are usually to blame. When the world thinks of a sexual woman, they think of a female who may show a lot of skin and someone who may work in the sex industry; a woman who loves to talk about sex and who talks about it often and openly. I hate to break it to those who fall into believing this stereotype, but most women who like sex don’t fit this image (although there is nothing wrong with fitting this image at all!).
Most humans have some sort of sexuality—some more than others. So why do so many women feel the need to fake orgasms? Accept the side of you that wants to release. Here’s a few quick tips to help you stop faking your orgasm and start embracing the real thing:
1. Talk. If you’re trying to protect his feelings, just know that you’re hurting him more by lying to him, but what’s more concerning is the fact that you are lying to yourself. Communication is critical in a relationship. Talking to your partner is the first step toward achieving orgasm during sex.
2. Sex is not a race. If achieving orgasm takes time, then take your time.
3. Educate yourself. I personally wasn’t taught in school about female sexuality. I don’t think I even knew what a clitoris was until I reached high school. If this is the case with you, google is your best friend. Research, research, research and repeat. Knowledge is power. Sarah Barmak’s Ted Talk is a great place to start.
4. Learn your body and experiment on your own and with him/her. I think this tip is pretty self explanatory.
Orgasms are nothing to be ashamed about. If you’re in a relationship, experiencing such a sensation actually has the potential to bring you two closer! If you’re single, then you’re getting to know your body and yourself—and that’s a beautiful thing. Let’s leave faked orgasms in the past.