Whenever I tell someone how old I was when I lost my virginity (I was 15), they raise their eyebrows slightly and ask “Oh, who was it?” Generally they’re expecting me to say a person I dated for a while back in high school. They always look surprised, and taken aback, when I tell them that I lost my virginity to my current boyfriend. “Then-then that means you two are still together,” they always stutter, looking at my 19-year-old self and wondering how I could possibly be in a relationship that long. They always ask the same questions- how I could possibly know what I want, why didn’t I want to “explore” in college, how I’m content with having a body count of one when there’s a whole world of men out there ripe for the picking, blah blah blah.
Well, I’m here to answer those questions. While I am fully supportive of my friends who have explored in college and have high body counts, and encourage them to explore their sexuality and be who they are, I’m fully content with my one person. I was lucky enough to find my person very early on, and slept with him when I was good and ready and knew we cared for and respected each other. Because I lost my virginity to my long-term boyfriend, and not some random boy in high school, sex has become a very special and somewhat sacred act to me. Due to this, if my boyfriend of going on four years and I do ever break up, you will not catch me out sleeping around (though I must underline how much I respect and do not shame those who do). Over the past going-on four years, we have established both an emotional and physical understanding of each other that I don’t think I can be matched by a one-night stand, let alone a string of them.
It’s honestly a bit insulting when people ask me how I’m “content” being in a relationship of that length at such a young age or why I’m not out “exploring” all of my options in college. Just as I respect others’ decisions to explore their sexuality (or those who don’t–you do you!), I expect other people to respect my decision. At 19, I’ve been lucky enough to experience one of the healthiest relationships I could imagine having at this point in my life. I am always respected and loved by this man, whether we express it physically or verbally, and I do not want to “explore” my options when I’m perfectly content with the option I have right in front of me.
Shaming someone for having a body count of one or being in a relationship with the person they lost their virginity to is never okay, just as shaming someone for having a higher body count is never okay. I have friends whose parents were high school or college sweethearts, yet still question my decision to be in a long-term relationship with the man I slept with for the first time. The hypocrisy strikes me like a cold slap in the face each and every time, but I leave them (and you) with this: People express themselves and their sexuality in all different types of ways, and there is no “right” way to go about the number of people you sleep with. There are people who have slept with 20 plus people and people who have not slept with anyone, and these options and everything in between are perfectly okay life choices. Ain’t no shame in the sexual game!
Sources: cover photo, gif 1, 2