Before going off to college, one of the things that several people warned me about was how weird it would feel to go back home again. Some of the aspects of being home would still feel like home, but a lot of it would not anymore. When I returned home for a month over winter break that turned out to be true.
Now as I’m approaching the end of my freshman year of college, I am apprehensive about going home for the summer for a multitude of reasons. I’m excited to get back to my family, my dogs, and a few close friends, but other than that I am not looking forward to returning home for almost three months.
All college freshmen have the intention of leaving some things behind from high school, whether it be friends, enemies or experiences. Sometimes we just want to leave things in the past and going home means getting back to the place where all of that took place. Many of us thought we would be freed of these burdens upon entering college but in a few weeks we’ll be returning to all of that.
It’s also going to be weird to go back to my hometown after I’ve somewhat made somewhere else my new “home.” I’m not saying that home isn’t where my wonderful parents and siblings are but I’ve been waking up everyday in this new place and carrying out my daily routine here and it has started to feel like home.
I feel like I don’t belong in my hometown anymore. Aside from my actual home itself, nothing about that place feels like home. I’ve also completely fallen in love with the city I go to college in. It’s unlike any other place I’ve lived and I know I’m going to miss being in this environment over those few months.
On the contrary, I’m worried that going back home for such a long period of time will make it harder for me to go back to school in the fall. College freshmen are thrown into the college experience so quickly and are going back home for the summer in what feels like the blink of an eye. I’ve adjusted to college life and I don’t know if I’m fully prepared to have such a long break and be able to get back to it again.
The number one thing that freaks me out about going home this summer is that this will be my last summer at home. I’m planning on moving my life to the city I go to college in this upcoming fall which means that this is pretty much it. When I went off to college back in August, I felt like I had “flown away from the nest” but I really still haven’t yet. Maybe that’s why I felt so comfortable making the transition into college; because I knew that I would be back home in a matter of months. But when I leave my hometown in the fall, it’ll be for good and as much as I’m excited and feel prepared for it, I am also terrified.
I’ve been aware for a while now that I would be making this transition soon but that doesn’t make it any easier. When you think about the phrase “home is where the heart is,” what does that really mean? I feel like my heart is in two places and regardless of what I do I will be deprived of one of them and maybe that’s just something I’ll learn to live with.
I’m sure I will enjoy every minute of my summer vacation but it’s hard to ignore the lingering presence of my worries. By the end of the summer, I will be eager to return back to school despite the fact that it also means embarking on a major transition in my life. Any amount of change takes time to get used to and considering the fact that this will be my biggest change yet, I’m willing to be patient with my adjustment.