Before you get your stockings in a knot and come after me with your candy cane pitchforks, please hear me out as to why I truly hate Christmas and do not share your same yuletide cheer.
Tis the season of rampant consumerism! Just another example of religion in bed with capitalism. The holiday that was originally focused around a certain religion has been taken over by a society that is driven by the amount of stuff we can collect. Frankly, the gift of giving died a long time ago, when we all decided the season to be nice, giving and friendly dies on Dec. 26. Don’t get me wrong, it is important to give and to be with family and to be nice to everyone. However, this should be all year round instead of being solely focused around one holiday.
Congratulations, your favorite holiday is centered around the death of millions of trees. These trees are heavy, obnoxious and shed their needles across countless carpets and floors. They are a pain to clean and to decorate. Plus, this holiday also celebrates a tradition of burning these same Christmas trees that omit thousands of carbon dioxide emissions into the air. So, thank you again for killing the planet even more. For all the people who use plastic trees, I’m getting to you next. Plastic trees cause thousands of fires each year and frankly, are just plain tacky.
Why would anyone choose to listen to the incessant childish banter that is Christmas music? It is the musical equivalent to Kidz Bop. The only difference between the two is no one makes you listen to Kidz Bop on repeat for a whole month and a half. Christmas classics are dull and we all know it. How many times can you see “It’s A Wonderful Life” before you realize it really isn’t.
As for Santa, I hope you all know that you are willingly lying to your children all while teaching them to be good little kids so that they will get presents. Also, remember Santa gives more to rich kids than he does poor kids.
There is a reason suicide rates are at its highest around the holidays. So, please do not send me a Christmas card. I will throw it away. While you’re at it, don’t give me a look when I say I hate Christmas because I don’t want an obligatory gift and I don’t believe in a holiday based around greed, materialism and false sincerity. Bah humbug to it all.