Everyone has a different relationship with their parents. I am lucky enough to have had a great and healthy relationship with my parents, and have learned more from observing their 22-year marriage than from any Nicholas Sparks novel. Here’s a little look at what I learned from watching my parents these past nineteen years:
1. It’s about the little things.
I cannot count how many times my dad came home with flowers “just because” or my mom rented his favorite movie for a date night. By watching them surprise each other with little things like this, I learned that it’s not about the big romantic gestures–the little things like this mean the most.
2. Romance can be unconventional.
My dad proposed in an empty Chinese take out carton. My mom gives him fancy knives for Christmas. This has shown me that (while my parents are a little weird) romance isn’t just red roses and chocolates and waltzes–it’s about whatever the other person loves and makes them happy.
3. “Gender roles” are never and have never been set in stone.
My mom bought my dad flowers for Valentine’s Day. My dad is one of the best cooks I know and does the laundry on weekends while my mom works–who says you should listen to what society thinks you should do?
4. “I love you” can be said without words.
Of course, my parents say I love you like anyone else. But what I learned from them is that sometimes, you don’t need to outright say “I love you”–sometimes you can say it with something as simple as “call me when you get there” or “make sure you have your seatbelt on.”
5. Marry your best friend.
My parents were best friends for years before they dated, and by then they knew that they were going to marry each other. This not only gives me hope for all the boys out there in the friendzone, but also shows me that sometimes, the love of your life is right in front of your face.
6. It’s not going to be easy.
I sat through my fair share of fights, “heated arguments,” and slammed doors. Though when I was a kid I feared this meant they were going to get a divorce, the fact that they always resolved it proved to me that Noah from T he Notebook is right: It’s not going to be easy, but it’ll be worth it.
7. One word: COMPROMISE.
Whether it was on what movie we were all going to watch or where to go for dinner, they (usually) found a way to compromise on what the other wanted. My dad sat through endless episodes of Say Yes to the Dress and my mom listened to more Bruce Springsteen than anyone wants to hear in a lifetime, but that’s what you do for the people you love. This proved to me that it isn’t always about winning, but it’s about how to keep the both of you happy.
8. A little music can go a long way.
Music has always been pretty central in my home–rarely was there a time we weren’t listening to music while we made dinner, went on road trips, or had our Sunday morning ritual of coffee and reading the paper. It was during these times that my dad would sing to my mom, dance her around the kitchen, or pose an impromptu duet.
9. Distance can be a good thing.
My dad has been commuting from our house to his job for the past five years, and stays with family friends three days out of the week. While I thought this would work out badly, since I had never seen them go more than a week apart, it has actually made their relationship (as I can see it) grow stronger. The distance they’re put through means they have more to talk about when they do see each other, and more appreciation for the times they spend together.
10. Love wholeheartedly.
Through all the ups and downs I’ve watched my parents go through the past 19 years, one thing has always remained the same: they love each other wholeheartedly. In a world where more friends than I can count have divorced parents, this has meant more to me than anything on this list. I hope to have a relationship like my parent’s one day, so I can give my children the same relationship goals my aprents gave me.