Affordable and easy to find, malt liquors have and will always be a classic. Weekends spent binge drinking on the 40s will always be the best times one will never remember. With such a long history, each malt liquor has gained their own aesthetic. So, without further explanation, here’s what some Virginia colleges would be if they were malt liquors.
1. William and Mary: Olde English 800
By far, they are the classiest of malt liquors. A refined form with a disgusting aftertaste. With a name like Olde English 800, one is brought back to colonial times where beer and revolution ran rampant. William and Mary would be this malt, as it was founded in the glory days of colonialism.
2. University of Virginia: Mike’s Hard Lemonade
The most pretentious of malt liquors, Mike’s Hard is well-known and well-liked. Many people probably did not realize it is malt liquor; however, it is in fact. Similarly, UVA has built up a reputation and is accepted as one of the better schools in Virginia.
3. Virginia Commonwealth University: Johnny Bootlegger
With a wide range of flavors, Johnny Bootlegger is the quintessential equivalent to VCU’s diverse and unique student body. Although it is smaller than the average malt liquor bottle, Bootlegger packs a punch that is reminiscent of the scene at VCU.
4. Virginia Tech: Smirnoff Ice
The classiest and trashiest of the malt liquors, Smirnoff Ice is everyone’s go-to all-American starter beverage. Virginia Tech is the school for the well-rounded, happy-go-lucky students. Both the school and the drink appeal to white suburbia.
5. Radford University: Four Loko
The school where students party every day and transfer out by their fifth year. Radford University would be the most iconic of malt liquors, as it will leave one throwing up at noon and rallying again at 3 p.m. Like Radford, the Four Loko is not for the faint of heart.
6. James Madison University: Maddog 20/20
The superior of malt beverages, JMU would, in fact, be a Maddog 20/20. It is the next step up from a Four Loko, but worth every drop. Nothing says work somewhat hard, play harder, like cheap prison wine.
Just like this malt liqours, Virginia’s college and universities are all diverse in aspect, and everyone has a favorite.