I won’t go into the biology of how twins are made, but the second I was conceived along was another little person that would soon grow into much more than just a wombmate, but a partner in crime — a person who has helped me grow and a forever bestie for the restie. I’ve learned a lot from her and all that we’ve been through as one, even though we are two.
I learned how to share.
Since the day I was born, I was already sharing something with my twin sister, my birthday! Soon we would be sharing the same matching jumpsuits, hairstyles (don’t think I missed all the baby pictures of the both of us in high pigtails, mom) and shoes. Soon just clothing and baby blankets turned to same school, similar friends, homework and a lot of the same experiences. Growing up with this idea installed and heavily practiced expanded my openness to share with others. Everything from splitting the last cookie in half, to a brand new pair of shoes, to sharing my deeper thoughts with others. Of course with the golden exception of boys.
I recognized my individual.
We look alike. And in sharing a lot of similar activities, experiences and going to the same school together– being compared to one another is seemingly a rite of passage to twinhood. In being in this constant comparison, two things can happen. A fueling of good competition between the two, but also a hindering of self-esteem and a more challenging time for one to express and break out as a unique individual from the other. Going through all the changes life throws at you as a kid, physically and emotionally, it’s not exactly easy to deal with being the “shorter one” or hearing others say things from “your sister’s skin is clearer” to potentially more insulting comparisons in deciding which one of you is the “smart one” and who is deemed “most athletic” and so on. In having to combat all of these comparisons, critiques and even criticisms I’ve learned who truly I am as an individual and have grown a lot thicker skin in deciding which words stick with what I identify myself with, and what I don’t. In having this constant comparison, I have battled between the words and depicted classifications of others and grown to take opinions as they come and to hold strong onto the person that only I decide I am to be.
The perks outweigh the growing pains.
Amongst all the annoying comparison and struggles that come with having a twin, the good outweighs the bad by a landslide. Since we were born into the world at the same time, we’ve been through it all together. From petty arguments to heartbreak to dealing with bigger things such as divorce and disease. From bear hugs to cheering each other on at sports games, to jumping up and down with excitement at college acceptance letters. From the littlest moments to the biggest, we have been right by each other’s side for it all. In going through all the small battles to the biggest successes, having each other to relate to and to illuminate different perspectives, to count on, and to celebrate with and for, is something I’ll never be fully able to put into words as it’s significance to me is incomparable. My heart has grown to know that celebrating these moments and developing close relationships with others is one of the most important things in life to embrace.
Adding to the list of perks includes the obvious being able to switch places in class, literally always having a person to dress up with for school spirit’s “Twin Day” and always having a person to do stuff with. I could go on adding perks for hours on hours. But I’ll leave you with this; every pair of twins has a different experience and relationship, and every pair of twins includes two unique and very different people. Acknowledge that. In the same breath, I’ll debunk the theory of shared pain by saying we can’t feel if one another gets hurt, but twins do hold a special bond unlike any other, so if you mess with one, trust me when I say you are getting the other, too. As for the theory on if we can read each other’s minds… I guess the only person who’ll know is my twin.
Shoutout to Carly, not only my day 1 but my day 0, for sticking through it all with me. Here’s to being side by side through the rest! Love you past the moon and back.