An Open Letter to My Love Life

Dear Love Life,

What. I mean, honestly. I know I’m an emotional masochist but this is a little excessive. Do you know the difference between quality and quantity? I would prefer quality but apparently we don’t all get what we want.

Okay, maybe I’m just attacking you because I’m still heartbroken. I really thought he was the one. He was so sweet, so passionate about all of the right things, he danced like goofball, he made stupid faces that made me gasp for breath because I was laughing so hard. He never stopped making me smile until he decided I wasn’t the one for him. I don’t want to blame you but is it because of what has happened to me in the past?

Was it that boy in 7th grade who showed me what flirting was? Did he teach me wrong? Was it that boy in 8th grade that my naive 13-year-old brain thought was going to be my husband? Was it that commitment begging? Was it that boy in 10th grade who swept me off my feet and made me fall harder than I thought was possible. Two years of him loving me and charming me. Was it the damage he left on my psyche that made the love of my life leave?

I listen to Sam Smith and feel the tears fall down my face. Was he really the one? I know I’m young but I see everyone getting married and I can’t help but be jealous. All of my friends who used to come to me and ask for relationship advice are now asking me to be next to them when they walk down the aisle. It’s like a bad rom-com where I’m just the protagonist and there is no love interest. No kindhearted Peter Kavinsky to slow dance with.

Then another part of me is wondering if I haven’t found my man because I’m looking for him. They always say that the love of your life comes when you least expect it. Should I stop expecting it? Even in that case, can I stop expecting it? I can’t help but think that he was the one because he came when I least expected it, he isn’t like any of the men I’ve been with, I love him so much despite everything that has happened. He fits my mold, I just don’t fit his apparently.

So, dear love life, please stop being so harsh and let the love of my life actually love me. Or find me someone new. I can’t deal with this middle ground where I have 10 different men chasing me, all not adding up to him.

Sincerely,

Broken, Frustrated and Depressed