Growing up, I’ve remained a big people person with a diverse friend group and always having a solid guy best friend. Some of those, unfortunately, have been effected negatively depending on the guy I’m talking to or dating at the time or whether the guy had different expectations. As a girl, sometimes it is frowned upon to date and have a guy bestie at the same time. So to my future boyfriend — I just wanted to let you know, I have a guy best friend who I don’t plan on ditching.
Contrary to belief, I feel like dating and having a guy best friend at the same time can be incredibly beneficial. It’s a good feeling having someone I know that’s been there through other aspects of my life, knowing me in and out because they have seen and continue to see things that I cannot or could not. It’s also nice that if we have any type of relationship issues that not even my girl friends can give me proper advice on, I can get a solid opinion from a guy’s perspective that isn’t only yours.
I don’t want you to think I’ll be disrespectful. I will make you a priority if you are worthy of taking my heart, but just know that will take time. I know my limits, so please do not make negative assumptions when I’m with him. I’ll still respect the concerns you may have, but I will not make what you’re saying automatically correct if it isn’t justifiable, and I will not make my friend feel like he is no longer worth my time just because you have now entered into my life. Although my opinion on this is strong because of my previous experiences, I will still remember that whatever comes with this relationship, any compromises that we have to make as a couple, we’ll work it out together as long as we think rationally and respectful.
Now don’t get me wrong, not every guy is worthy of having that ‘best friend’ title and through experience I know the difference between another guy simply trying to win over my trust and negatively influence my thoughts compared to a genuine friendship of a guy who wants the best for me. Luckily, I’ve found that. Within my first two weeks of college, in my Psychology 101 class, this guy politely asked if he could sit next to me. We casually held conversation and it was really nice to start to get to know people since I was still so new to college. We had lunch one day after class that same week and from that point forward, he has become one of the best people I have ever met and our friendship is simply just that. In addition to that, we both respect the boundaries it has always kept. He was right by my side when I went through my last breakup, seeing how poorly I was treated towards the end of that relationship.
I’ve been told I’m not like most girls, that I’m more relaxed than most. I’ve been told in my previous relationship that having guy best friend isn’t normal and that only girls “like me” are okay with that. Whatever that may mean, I don’t think I should be singled out being considered abnormal. Just trust me, like I said, if you win my heart over you’ll have my upmost respect but all I’m asking for you is to respect this part of my life, too.
So with that being said, he’s probably a lot happier to see you enter my life than I am — I’ve never seen someone who supports my happiness more. If you can be that positive guy for me, you’ll have no issues being treated with respect — and he also deserves that from you.
Photo taken by Kayla Cwikliniski, edited by VSCO preset