Many of us, in this stage of our lives, are thinking about the person we will spend the rest of our lives with. Some people may be in long term relationships at this stage. Well, as someone who has recently got out of a three-year-long relationship, I learned so many valuable lessons about dating and relationships.
The biggest lesson I discovered is that adult relationships are way different than high school relationships. This may be obvious to some, but I did not realize this until after. In order to keep your high school relationship, you have to grow with it. In other words, change your mindset completely from that “me” mentality to an “us” mentality.
Another lesson I learned was to never force a relationship if the two of you are not compatible. My ex and I were complete opposites, as we had totally different love languages and means of expressing ourselves. Towards the end of our relationship, this caused a lot of pain and frustration between both of us.
After the break-up, we both seemed relieved. I had not really been happy the past month of us being together.
I did not end things because I wanted things to work out. I was headstrong that this person was the person that I was meant to be with.
However, I realize now that I am young and I have time to find someone that I am extremely happy and more compatible with. While I am not saying that you must find a carbon copy of yourself, I highly suggest finding someone with just the right amount of simple differences and similarities. I warn you against pursuing a relationship with someone that has complete opposite morals, personalities and ways of expressing themselves.
I learned to never rely on anyone but myself. I know this might sound a tad bit cheesy, but I realize I relied on him way too much. I do not have a job, so he would pay for our rent and food. After the relationship ended, I saw the error of my ways. Being more independent is something that I am trying to work on as I try to move on.
I also realized that arguments are necessary for a relationship to thrive. I used to brag to my friends that we would never argue. I know now that he was holding back his feelings because he was scared of confrontation, especially with me being a hot-headed individual. This is another thing that I will try to work on as I move forward.
Lastly, I learned to not blame myself for the relationship ending. When it first happened, I remember being totally devasted. It felt like my entire world was crushed. I cried and begged so much that it probably looked extremely desperate. As much as I wanted it to last forever, I know it was a fundamental part of me growing up and not a waste of time, which I had thought before.
I have learned lessons in this last relationship that I will take with me into my next.
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