Vogue’s “Is having a boyfriend embarrassing” ¹ has taken the internet by storm, and countless creators have taken to Tik Tok, Substack, and Instagram to respond. Many agree that it is, in fact, embarrassing to have a boyfriend in 2025 for various reasons such as the negative stigma around appearing male-centered. Others still have responded that it’s only embarrassing if your boyfriend sucks. Joseph discusses soft-launching, and the desire of women to “receive the social benefits of having a partner, but also not appear so boyfriend-obsessed that they come across as quite culturally loser-ish”. While this may be true, I think we should consider the fact that maybe the reason we are seeing fewer boyfriends on social media is not because their partners are embarrassed, but because fewer women are getting boyfriends. So the real question here is, why?
I think that the social faux-pa aspect of women posting their boyfriends is highly overemphasized and ignores the real societal changes which are pushing fewer women to partner up. According to The Economist, the proportion of Americans ages 25-34 living without a spouse has doubled in five decades². Given the long decline of these numbers, it seems silly to suggest that the idea of a long-term partner being embarrassing is a new phenomenon caused by social media. I believe that this decline in long-term relationships is a result of societal shifts which have made marriage both unnecessary and undesirable for women.
In the past, marriage was an expectation and a necessity for women. A husband was a sure source of security, income, and societal acceptance. Living alone as a woman was practically unheard of for much of the twentieth century. Before 1974, women couldn’t even apply for a credit card or a loan without a male cosigner, making financial independence impossible. Additionally, the lowering of barriers in the workplace has allowed women to make far more money than once was plausible, further negating the necessity of a husband. Given financial independence and control, women need not put up with abusive or inadequate partners as they may have in the past. This is important to note as many discussions surrounding falling marriage rates and fertility have blamed falling wages for men as a result of globalization and manufacturing job loss (this is ridiculous but more on that later). It is not that men are suddenly making less money, but that women are making just as much on their own, rendering a man’s financial contributions obsolete. This is not to say that many women still don’t want to marry for other reasons such as love or partnership, only that they no longer have to in order to secure their livelihood.
A more concerning factor may be the rise (or perhaps more accurate reporting) of violence against women world-wide. According to the World Health Organization, 1 in 3 women are subject to violence, particularly at the hands of intimate partners³. These numbers increase when you look at certain subgroups, specifically low income and uneducated women. Women are more likely to stay in abusive relationships if their partners control their finances, once again reinforcing the role of women’s growing financial independence in declining marriage rates.
Recent political stratification of women and men may also play an important role. Studies have shown that young women are increasingly left leaning, and young men are increasingly right leaning⁴. This has important implications when it comes to gender equality and traditional gender roles. Conservatives consider the family unit to be of the utmost importance to society, they push traditional values which consistently reaffirm a hierarchy in which men are the main providers. As we’ve discussed, this financial dependence puts women at risk of violence and exploitation while promoting men’s importance and higher value. The revitalization of the traditional family unit in politics has also brought to light household inequalities which place the majority of domestic responsibilities on women. Even though a higher percentage of mothers work full time than ever before, they still shoulder the majority of household tasks and spend more time with their children than their husbands⁴. As a result, young women are increasingly disillusioned with the nuclear family and are choosing to remain single rather than participating in this unequal exchange of responsibilities. This has become especially salient since the rise of MAGA politics and the subsequent rollback of women’s rights. Women want partners who share their values and allow them independence and freedom, an increasing rarity in today’s world as young men and women’s political beliefs polarize further each year.
Discussions around this topic by conservative politicians and recently, podcasters, is concerning. JD Vance suggested that childless women have “no stake” in the future of the country, and right wing podcasters have long blamed women and their “too high” standards for the declining marriage rates in the United States. Conversations around this topic often turn to villainizing women for either gold-digging, or having standards which are far too high and unrealistic. This is a fundamental difference in the understanding of marriage and its utility. To conservative young men, marriage is an expectation and a necessity which boosts their social status and also guarantees them children. For young women, marriage is a choice only to be made when they have found the right person, the numbers of which are dwindling. It is not that women’s standards are too high, but that their motivations for marriage completely depart from the traditional values to which men are finding themselves drawn. Until these values are reconciled, marriage rates will continue to drop and young women will choose to remain single.
Given the ability of women to support themselves, have fulfilling careers, and make choices about their own lives without deferring to a man, is it really any wonder that more women than ever are remaining single? Rather than blame women for not lowering their standards to accommodate partners who would have them perform emotional and domestic labor, men should reconsider the ways in which they view women and the family unit. So, maybe having a boyfriend is embarrassing now, or maybe it’s just unnecessary and inconvenient. Either way, we should not fall into the trap of viewing this phenomenon as a result of social media and “girlbossification”. This runs the risk of putting the blame on women for falling marriage and childbirth rates, as opposed to acknowledging the real threats to women’s livelihood that make these things undesirable.
¹Chanté Joseph, “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?,” Vogue, October 29, 2025, https://www.vogue.com/article/is-having-a-boyfriend-embarrassing-now.
²The Economist, “The Rise of Singlehood Is Reshaping the World,” The Economist, November 6, 2025, https://www.economist.com/leaders/2025/11/06/the-rise-of-singlehood-is-reshaping-the-world.
³“The Shadow Pandemic: Violence against Women and Girls: Women’s Health Education Program Blog – College of Medicine,” College of Medicine, 2025, https://drexel.edu/medicine/academics/md-program/scholars-programs/womens-health-education-program/whep-blog/the-shadow-pandemic-violence-against-women-and-girls/.
⁴“Young, Divided, and Disillusioned: The Gender Gap Reshaping US Politics – Northeastern University Political Review,” Nupoliticalreview.org, November 26, 2024, https://nupoliticalreview.org/2024/11/26/young-divided-and-disillusioned-the-gender-gap-reshaping-u-s-politics/.