Before I began this task which seemed impossible at first, I underwent mental warfare, worrying myself about all of the things that could, should and would have happened. Two of my biggest concerns was what I looked like and if people would stare. I was scared of people seeing my natural self, and how they would react. I didn’t want to be talked about, an outcast or even undesired. I remember overhearing a group of girls discussing how they would never want an ugly friend and I wondered if it was because I had just walked by. These are all real fears that come with wanting to be beautiful for me and maybe even for some of you. These fears are not unwarranted because beauty is all around us, it’s in the movies we watch, magazines, Instagram and reality shows. I found myself trying really hard to live up to these standards of beauty outlined by society: having a small waist, tiny nose, lighter skin, big butt and white teeth of course.
What happened to me throughout the day was something I was not prepared for. I found myself running from my own reflection, fast walking past mirrors and storefront windows. I even used my phone less, because all of the apps I have on my phone have a camera element. I didn’t use Snapchat or Instagram and even twitter for the day. I didn’t realize how consumed I was with looking at my own reflection on a daily basis, but I also realized that I wasn’t looking good for myself but trying to look appealing in the eyes of others. I subconsciously avoided walking by large crowds and tried really hard not to draw too much attention to myself. The craziest part of my day happened when I went out clothes shopping and realized my customer service was different. I was being treated as if no one wanted to be seen with me. I wasn’t asked nearly as often “if I was finding everything okay,” and then it dawned on me: as a society we consciously tend to the beautiful human beings and they are held on a higher petal stool if you will.
I was able to self reflect and learn from this experiment, I realized the mirror was my safety net. My reflection reassured me that I looked the way I wanted to look, which was “normal.” I realized that the thoughts I was having wasn’t because I had not looked in the mirror all day, but because I was not confident in my own skin. I came to the conclusion that confidence is key, and it was because I did not exude my usual confidence that I was afraid to walk by crowds or assume that others were talking about me. The mirror does not make me. I make the mirror, I give the mirror a reflection to reflect back at me, without me the mirror would have no purpose, and as a result I have given my reflection a lot of power. I must admit it was nice to restore the power back to its rightful owner, me and I felt beautiful.