*This article was written by a member of the Her Campus VCU Staff, but names have been withheld to protect the individuals involved*
Hookup culture has become a second language. We either get to know someone for a week, or swipe right, or get picked up at a bar and ba-da-bing ba-da-boom– sex. Sex with a hookup is a complicated process. If you know them well, you must set ground rules like; you can’t let this get in the way of your current friendship, protection, who will find out? Will it happen again? And if you don’t know them, expectations must remain low. It’s too bad I refuse to go down low.
Sex is great. It can make someone feel liberated and less stressed when it’s consensual. With new positions and “ X Ways to Make Your Orgasm Last Longer” coming (haha) out every week, it’s hard to admit that hookup culture isn’t prominent in our environment. However, oral sex is a whole ‘nother spectrum.
I constantly refuse to go down on a hookup. Not because I don’t believe in giving someone pleasure other than them sticking their condom-wrapped penis inside my vagina, but because oral sex is a much more intimate process than casual sex.
I’ve been in a sexually active relationship before where it was not a problem on whether someone was giving or receiving. In a relationship you know each other’s quirks, turn-ons, you can joke around and not be weirded out by natural bodily sounds. There is a pleasure in giving someone you love, pleasure. It’s great! Fantastic even! However I’m not going to go into the detail of it because I find it to be that intimate.
But with a hookup there is no level intimacy. There are no jokes or cuddles or high-fives, only the desire to have an orgasm, a good time, and to get out of there as soon as possible.
Without knowing someone in an intimate level, there comes another huge variable which is- Hygiene.
If we swiped right or met at a bar or talked for a week or two, I still do not know you or your level of hygiene. Why would I want to put something in my mouth that is probably sweaty, will taste like latex, and has a blurred “last showered” date? Okay sure flavored condoms are available, but no matter how much your penis tastes like blueberries I will not go down there. Most men are perfectly capable of having an orgasm without the need of oral sex. Better yet, it will probably happen in less than ten minutes.
There are others that only give head if they get head. That’s great! Good for you!
Do I expect to be given oral sex? No. Would I appreciate it? Totally. However I am still not obligated to give someone I don’t know, a blow job.