I realize that for some reason, if I have spent a significant amount of time around people and kept relatively busy, my body sort of does this thing where it shuts down. By shuts down, I mean my anxiety and overall irritability heighten for things that usually wouldn’t bother me at all. I would have heart palpitations almost every day and I would be too tired to even have conversations with people (which is very unlike me).
To combat this, I’ve figured out that once a week, at least, I need to be able to sit in my room alone and binge watch a TV show/movie or just be alone to realign myself. That usually makes me feel ready and willing to throw myself back into my regular social settings. Sometimes I take more time for myself out of the week if I feel a bit more stressed, but in doing this, I find I can have more genuine, positive connections with the people around me. When I didn’t know or do this, I would find myself getting anxious quicker and my constant annoyance was a little much even for myself. For example, my friends or the people I cared about would say or do one slightly off thing and I would get stressed beyond the reasonable amount. I can say with full confidence that the time I spent with friends in that state wasn’t fun for anyone.
Your friends can only do so much to make you feel better, but in discovering more about yourself, you make for a better person, companion and lover to the people around you and yourself. “Discovering yourself” isn’t hard because all that means is knowing what you like, what makes you feel good (for me, it is entertainment and skincare) and actually paying attention to yourself enough to know that those are the things you like. You are not hurting your relationships with people by taking time for yourself; you are making yourself a better person to be in a relationship with. And baby, that is growth.