It irritates me when I talk to certain black men about love, because this idea of “preference” always comes up in the conversation. It becomes a problem for me when the conversation stops being about true companionship and more about wanting to be with any other race besides a black woman. Often times this type of man stresses qualities that they dislike about black women that they have been in a relationship with in the past as if that one bad relationship was the deciding factor for their conclusion that all black women act a specific way.
Here’s a snippet from the video by Youtuber Kimberly Foster that got me thinking.
I’ve heard absurd things in conversation like black women are too opinionated and all they want to do is argue. That statement is pure trash because I know plenty of European, Asian and Hispanic women that are not submissive and won’t put up with disrespect either.
I’m getting too far ahead of myself. Let’s rewind a little and let me clarify the specific group of black men I am referring to. Because not all black men devalue black women. I’m talking about a black man that say’s he would never date a black woman because she’s aggressive, independent, angry, disrespectful, too educated and have strong personalities. This is just simply not a true statement for solely black women.
When will you realize the strength in your words? Stop arrogantly boasting around your friends of another race about how black women are so hard to love. Everything you say to other men about black women is repeated and taught to another generation. If men only use your words and an absence of experience with a black woman to form and opinion about African American women we’d have a ton of little black queens thinking they are not good enough to be loved by someone else, not even black boys.
Black women are more than the one awful experience you had in a past relationship. We are the women that go on to become mothers, care givers, activist and entrepreneurs. And let’s not forget that some of you African American men were raised by black powerful, loving women. She nourished you, she walked you to school, her arms held you when you cried and her eyes watched over to keep you safe.
Remember this the next time before you decide to speak on black women’s behalf; that you do not get to pick and choose the qualities found in women. Stop telling all of your friends what it is you can’t stand about us and start letting them know how you were simply not the man for the job. Instead of that sorry looking picture you try to paint every time someone asks you why you stopped dating black women, just stop making all black women look bad.
It stopped being about love the moment you all started mentioning the exact same traits seen in all women and classifying them as a “black woman thing” in a negative way. It honestly sickens me when a black man says that he prefers a mild tempered white women or a feisty Hispanic woman or whatever nationality he’s into at the moment over a black woman. Newsflash: a black woman can be all of those things and more.
Don’t get me wrong I could care less who you end up with, that’s honestly none of my business. What is my business is when you start devaluing black women unnecessarily. I want you to know that instead of undervaluing a black woman’s quirks and personality you should value her spirit, strong sense of self and hold us in higher regard.