According to the American Psychological Association, “microaggressions—the brief statements or behaviors that, intentionally or not, communicate a negative message about a non-dominant group—are everyday occurrences for many people.” Microaggressions often occur as a result of implicit bias, which the National Institutes of Health defines as “a form of bias that occurs automatically and unintentionally, that nevertheless affects judgments, decisions, and behaviors.”
Members of different minority groups experience microaggressions frequently throughout the course of their life, and although many people do not intend for their comments or behaviors to be offensive, they still hurt people. It should not fall on members of minority communities to educate the majority on things they should not do or say, but as a member of a few minority groups, I have decided to take it upon myself to provide five common examples of microaggressions that I have heard people say to give everyone an opportunity to learn why saying certain things is problematic.
- “Wow I Couldn’t Even Tell You Were Transgender!”
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Telling someone that they don’t look like they are transgender is not a compliment. Whether or not someone is cisgender or transgender is quite frankly none of your business, and you should not be trying to distinguish between cisgender and transgender people. I have most commonly heard this statement said to transgender women, and telling a transgender woman they appear to be cisgender is usually that person’s way of saying they are surprised they actually look like a woman, and considering that she is a woman—that shouldn’t be surprising.
This statement makes it seem like transgender women are just playing dress-up and that they are not actual women—which they are. Besides the statement implying that someone is not actually the gender that they are, the statement also implies that transgender people have to look a certain way to truly be a certain gender, which is not true.
- “You’re So Brave For Wearing That!”
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If you notice, skinny people are never the people that get told they are “brave” for wearing something. It is only the people who don’t fit into society’s beauty standard when it comes to their weight that are told this when they wear certain clothing. The intention behind this statement is usually not bad, and people are attempting to applaud the person for not caring about societal standards and doing what they want, but they don’t realize that the subliminal message they send with the statement is that this person’s body is not acceptable in society. That person is just existing and wearing something that anyone else would, but somehow their body has now become a political statement, and people are applauding them for doing something they would never be willing to do themselves.
People of all shapes and sizes can wear what they want, and they shouldn’t have to get attention for doing so just because they do not match up with the beauty standards society tries to force people to adhere to. The comment itself is fatphobic, and it makes people of a different body type feel as if the action of wearing an item of clothing is not normal, when in fact, it is completely normal to wear anything you’d like to—regardless of your body type.
- “Is That Your Real Hair? It’s So Long!”
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Black women and black people, in general, are a common target when it comes to microaggressions. Some non-black people seem to have this fascination with black hair and always ask questions about it or want to touch it, but black people are not animals that you can just pet whenever you feel like it, and their hair is not anyone’s concern by their own. Asking if a black woman’s hair is real or saying that it is long implies that you think black women are incapable of having long and healthy hair—which they are not. Black women have been attacked for their hair texture, length and styles for centuries.
Many people falsely believe that black women’s hair does not grow because black women choose to wear wigs, weaves or braids, but that belief is inaccurate. Many black women also have shrinkage, so you can’t truly tell what the actual length of their hair is simply by looking. Society roots way too much value in hair in general, and a woman’s worth does not correlate with their hair length but implying that a black woman whose hair you think looks nice must-have “fake” hair is still very offensive.
- “What Are You?” or “Where Are You From?”
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Many people who are of an ethnic or racial minority are used to hearing someone ask, in a rather rude way, what their ethnic or racial background is. The person also often assumes they are not from the country they are living in since they are not a part of the ethnic or racial majority. The United States and many other countries have people with a wide variety of ethnic and racial backgrounds who live there, and many have lived there their whole lives.
Someone isn’t automatically an immigrant or someone just visiting the country you reside in just because their first language is not English or because they aren’t white. Also, someone’s racial or ethnic background is none of your business, so don’t ask someone about theirs unless you know them personally, and do so by asking what their race is or what their ethnicity is rather than saying, “what are you?”
- “That’s Gay” or “That’s Sus”
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Referring to something as being “gay” or “sus,” which essentially means the same thing as gay in most contexts, is homophobic. When someone refers to something as either of these things, the statement almost always has a negative connotation. This means that the person saying it does not view being gay as something that is positive, and this view stems from homophobia.
Using homophobic language casually is not okay even though it’s been normalized by many people, and saying something like this is a microaggression. The person saying it usually doesn’t necessarily have ill-intent because the phrase has been normalized, but that doesn’t mean that using the phrase does not cause harm to a marginalized community.
If you found that any of these statements are something that you have said in the past, please do not continue to say them in the future. Microaggressions cause more harm than you may realize.