Break-ups are hard, whether you were the one who broke it off or not. The aftermath can weigh heavily due to the overall adjustment that takes place to return back to being completely independent without that 24/7 companion! As a girl who is most definitely the monogamous type, I’ve had my fair share of dating experience, serious or not. For me, there are probably five stages that track how my break-up aftermath goes. Here are my personal steps as told by my favorite girls, The Kardashians.
Let’s be real, whether you were the one who broke up with your significant other or not, it will still sit with you weird. You think of all the what ifs, whys and when did it go wrong. You wonder when your or their feelings changed, and at that moment you become overwhelmed with feeling everything all at once.
Days or weeks seem to fly by and you may feel weirdly put together (or possibly could be a train wreck), but what’s strange is that you’ve gone a certain amount of time without talking to someone you used to see or talk to every single day. You are in denial that the daily conversation is over, and you have no idea when you’ll see them again. You lost one of the closest people you know – how can that be real? How can you begin to even cope with this?
While going through sadness and really feeling that loss of someone so significant, I sometimes begin to think to myself how this relationship could still potentially work. Even if you know this was for the best and that your recovery is not as far away as you may think, you still fear being lonely, so you try to map out all the ways you and your ex could work this all out. At this point, you are also probably doing things for yourself, whether that is already exploring new people or just living for yourself. It can confuse your current state of mind a little bit and might set you back, but stay strong at this point. You’re almost there.
For me, there comes a stage when every single red flag that should’ve been noted suddenly comes into the light. I get so angry thinking about why I let certain things go and why I let myself excuse things that I do not and should not have to accept from anyone else. This stage is my favorite! It’s the realization stage that you need, no matter how content or upset you may be following a breakup. At this moment, you realize there are qualities you can continue to strive for in your future partner.
You’ve finally come to terms with yourself, what you deserve and understand that all things happen for a reason. You finally reach that peak of knowing yourself and realize that this experience has been good for you. Now, you know that you’ll find the person who complements you perfectly, and you are now able to really limit who deserves that place in your life.
No matter the position you might you have been in following your last break-up, remember these stages are inevitable to some degree. Take notes of these steps for your past and future self and share them with someone who might need to be put at ease. Remember that these feelings are normal! You are young and have so much ahead of you – this is only the beginning.
photo credits: Cover Photo