The sophomore slump — the condition that hits all second-year college students as their year comes to a close. They realize that their time in college is halfway over, and that they have to figure out what they’re doing with their lives sooner rather than later. Comparable to senioritis, the sophomore slump hits HARD around finals week, its victims including GPA, motivation, hours slept and will to live. Here’s the five signs you’ve hit the sophomore slump, and how to combat it:
1) Nothing matters.
You’ve been in the library for going on 10 hours, but no information is staying in your brain. Your exam is tomorrow, you know nothing, and that’s when it hits you: nothing actually matters. You’re floating on a giant rock in space that gravity sticks you on until you die; what’s it going to matter if you fail your accounting exam?
Solution: Get yourself back down to Earth, girl. Yes, this test ultimately will not matter in five years or even five months after the exam, but right now it does. Study for that exam like passing it is your ticket to an all-inclusive resort and spa for the entire summer, free of charge.
2) LOL, what motivation? You look at your ever-growing pile of work and assignments to complete, knowing that procrastinating will ultimately kick you in the ass, but all you want to do is lay in bed and watch Netflix like it’s your job.
Solution: Break your work off into smaller chunks. Create a finals week schedule of all the projects, tests and papers you have due and give yourself assigned time to get it done. Breaking something into smaller pieces makes it less daunting and makes it seem less impossible, which means more motivation and less inclination to lay in bed and do nothing.
3) I have no idea what I’m doing with my life and I’ll just become a stripper since that doesn’t really require an education.
You realize that your GPA is going to tank no matter what, you have no idea what you’re doing with your major and you’re petrified of graduation. You start looking up how to go about becoming a stripper, since that seems easier than four years of hell for something you don’t really know what to do with.
Solution: Deep, deep breaths. We’ve all been there. Realize that graduation, though closer than it was as a freshman, is still a good two years away. Focus on finishing that paper and getting through your exams, then reevaluate if you still want to be stripper by the time it’s over. No shame if you still do; werk it.
4) RIP GPA.
Before you know it, it’s finals season and, though you may be ready to be done, your grades are not. You’ve realized that you need a 108 percent on all of your finals to get the grades you want, and know that not even with a miracle will that ever happen. You consider holding a ceremony in remembrance of when your GPA was decent, flowers included and donations to be made towards your Starbucks fund.
Solution: Can you say extra credit? Not all of your professors may offer it, but even putting in the initiative of coming in to talk about your grade may persuade them to give you that blessed .03 percent grade raise.
5) Summer is so close and I just don’t care anymore.
You look in your planner and realize that summer is a mere two finals and one final paper away — which makes you even more resistant to do anything. Instead of writing your final paper, you’re daydreaming about endless days on the beach or asleep or simply without responsibilities.
Solution: Snap out of it! You’re almost there, you’re in the home stretch and you can definitely do it. A little more motivation and you’re out of there for the summer.
Keep your chin up, collegiettes! We’re almost there!