If you’ve been following recent media attention, you’ve seen that sending your enemies an envelope full of glitter has taken revenge-seekers by storm. While I admit glitter seems like the epitome of getting back at your ex, annoying co-worker or the “friend” that stabbed you in the back, there are even more options out there when looking for the best things you can send your enemy.
1. Glitter.
For only $9.99, www.shipyourenemiesglitter.com will ship your enemies the “OG Glitter Bomb” anonymously. For only 88 more cents you can even double the glitter in the envelope. Sounds like a deal to me! Don’t worry, the glitter is inside a letter with a message detailing why they’re getting this horrible gift (AKA maximum glitter spillage).
2. Bacon.
Also offered by www.shipyourenemiesglitter.com is a ship bacon option. With a variety of packages ranging from “Bacon and a Tie” and “uber Bacon 2.0”, you’ll surely find the package deal you’re looking for. We fully understand if you secretly send ship one of these packages to yourself, though.
3. Poop.
www.ipoopyou.com, a self-proclaimed professional poop delivery service, has a different variety and quality options of poop products to choose from. All their products are between $15-$25, perfect for a college budget. Can you even imagine the look on your enemies face when they open your order of “Cow Chocolate Pudding”?
4. Mayonnaise.
In just a few clicks of a button, you can literally send an envelope full of nothing but mayonnaise to your enemy via “Mayo by Mail”. You’ll be out $25, so you might be better off just sticking some mayonnaise in an envelope yourself.
5. Non-Stop Music.
We’ve all seen those cards that play a cute birthday song, but what if the song never stopped? www.thecardthatneverends.com offers cards that never turn off once opened (or guaranteed for around five hours) for a little under $10. Bonus points if you know your enemies least favorite song.
6. Candles.
Why would you send your enemy such a luxury item like a candle? Because on www.prankcandles.com, their candles start out smelling great then they switch to scents like “Sweaty Gym Socks” and “Baby Diaper”. Totally worth every penny of the $11.95.
7. Dead Flowers and Fish.
What a package deal, right? You can also send just the thorny stems of a rose or accompany the arrangement with a box of melted chocolates on www.thepayback.com.
8. Anonymous Letters and Emails.
Although you could just send an anonymous letter or email on your own instead of paying $12, www.thepayback.com offers different versions of letters you can send to your boss, an annoying co-worker or even someone who has a bad haircut.
9. A Middle Finger.
For $5, www.birdbymail.com allows you to send a letter to your enemy that reveals nothing but a photograph of a middle finger inside. It even says “hi” on the outside so your enemy has no idea what’s coming for them. AND, for only 99 extra cents, you can include glitter in the envelope.
10. A Potato.
The best part about this is that the potato doesn’t even come in a box, it’s just a straight up potato in the mail. www.mailaspud.com will write their address on the potato and mail it for just $10. They do advise not eating the potato after it arrives because it’s touched a lot of germs by the time it arrives (but we’re not going to make you tell your enemy that).
11. Nothing.
No really, www.shipyourfriendsnothing.com will literally ship an empty box to your enemy. Although, according to their website, their domain is about to expire so you’ll have to take advantage of their offer soon.
12. Sand.
Appropriately named, www.ruindays.com will ship a box of sand for $18. The website describes the item as “a box within a box with fine sand that will surely get all over their carpet and stay there for the rest of their shitty lives.” EXACTLY what you’re looking for.
13. A Brick.
Throwing a brick at your enemy is extremely illegal, but mailing one definitely isn’t. Just one single brick on www.mailbricks.com is only $10 and you can even get it gift wrapped for $2.
14. Crabs.
Okay, this one makes us a little uncomfortable, too. www.crabrevenge.com advertises that they “sell pubic lice” and “yes, (they) are proud of it.” Creepy, but even creepier is the website also says the product comes in a vial ready for use. While I definitely wouldn’t recommend this at all, it just goes to show that the things that you can send in the mail are almost endless.
15. A Bag of Dicks.
The best for last! There’s actually a plethora of websites that offer dick-shaped items to send your enemy (one of my personal favorites being www.shipadick.com’s “Dick Pizza”). Other sites like www.dicksbymail.com and www.shipabagofdicks.com will actually mail a bag of gummy dicks for around $15. This takes the phrase “eat a dick” to a whole new level.
So who were you thinking about the whole time you read this list? Pick your favorite (or your enemy’s least favorite) and wait for sweet, sweet revenge.