Recently, I had the misfortune of making the worst hair mistake of my life. Let me tell you, I have made several bad hair decisions. My track record includes having dreadlocks for a year (before I understood how problematic they actually were) and allowing my best friend to drunkenly shave the back of my head. I have had offset, too short side bangs that were a sad attempt at 2005. I have had blue-black hair (or so the box claimed), but by the end of it, it was more of a patchy disaster between blonde, brown and black. So, yeah, you could say that for most of my existence, I have had a bad hair day. However, nothing in the world could have saved me, not even the lady at GreatClips who told me I would look ugly, from the wretched bangs. So, if you made the same mistake as me or are considering ruining your life, here are 11 reasons why bangs were the worst decision of my life.
1. Unless you have a round or oval face, you will not look good with bangs, I promise.
2. They itch.
Your forehead is not used to anything grazing it all the time. It itches. It gets old.
3. You will eventually have to trim them yourself and you will mess up.
4. They are a lot of maintenance
You have to straighten them which can damage your hair. Somedays, they won’t cooperate.
5. You will have an almost bowl cut for a long time.
You will look dorky at first.
6. If you choose not to style them, you will look like you parted your newly developed bowl cut.
7. It is an awkward transition.
It takes time for you to accept them for yourself. Your hair will want to do what it wants to do.
8. They stay in a greasy limbo between clean and not.
Have fun showering every five minutes.
9. They stick to your face when you sweat or when it rains.
10. If you hate them, you have to wait months to a year to get rid of them.
11. You won’t look edgy or quirky.
I promise you will not look like Zooey Deschanel. You will look like Shawn from “Boys Meets World.” The ’90s have died. Save yourself while you still can.