Every once in a while, I’ll get the urge to watch some of my favorite shows I used to tune in for as a young teen. Victorious, iCarly, Good Luck Charlie, and so many more that I loved, I now get to watch whenever I please. During my latest rewatch of Victorious, I started to really notice how toxic Beck and Jade’s relationship was, given the constant fighting, the lack of true care for one another, and the fact that sometimes their friends wouldn’t even want to be around them.
While some of their more intense fights (and break-ups) were followed by serious or sad sound effects, a lot of their fights and issues were followed by a laugh track. This made it seem as if all of their issues were just silly, which normalized them. No matter what the fight was about, if the laugh track came on, it was portrayed as just a silly fight that we weren’t meant to take seriously when watching.
In my more recent re-watches, I have come to hate their relationship. They were both great characters on their own, and I think it’s a shame that we didn’t get more personal growth from them. But despite all their issues together, their chaotic romance was one that I remember wanting as a 13 year-old. I know I couldn’t have been the only one. Having a sweet, good-looking, and nonchalant boyfriend, despite all the fighting, was a dream that I couldn’t wait to have come true.
But this leads me to wonder, why is it that we wanted these toxic relationships to be ours so badly?
Another example would be Teddy and Spencer from Good Luck Charlie. Spencer cheated on Teddy, and then he lied to cover it up. He also lied to Skyler, who he was simultaneously in a relationship with. Teddy broke it off with him, but then decided to get back together. Spencer then lied again about a broken ankle to get out of dancing with Teddy. They broke up again because he went to college in Boston, and long distance wasn’t working. Even though he was in college, he still came back for her 18th birthday to reveal that he still had feelings for her. She did pick the better guy (#TeamBeau), and that was the last we thought we’d see of Spencer. Until the season finale.
Despite everything, Teddy continued to go back to him.
While this maybe wasn’t a relationship that we so desperately wanted as teens, it was one that seemed to keep coming back, whether we liked it or not. Why is it that we were continuously shown these toxic relationships?
Another toxic relationship is Maddie and Diggie’s from Liv and Maddie. I loved them together, until he came back and decided that he was going to Australia. Being older now, I completely understand the desire to travel and that these decisions couldn’t have been based on Maddie’s feelings alone. Though, this does not mean that Diggie was in the right whatsoever about this. He continuously made these huge decisions without considering her at all, and just expected her to be supportive of him. Long distance is never an easy path in a relationship, and they had so many communication issues when he was in Tundrabania, which made Maddie’s reaction to the news understandable. He broke up with her after that conversation, but then he continued to tell her he still had feelings for her and would even stay home for her. She did the mature thing, and she decided to not hold him back. She even went on to meet Josh, a guy who truly cared about her and considered her in everything he did. After hearing she was with Josh, Diggie flew home and caused the whole Miggie vs. Mosh debate (#TeamMosh).
She ended up picking Diggie, which was disappointing to so many fans. Disney held a live vote during the finale, and so many people voted for Mosh. This is yet another case where, despite all the support for the healthy relationship, the girl goes back to pick her first love, despite its toxicity.
The fact that these relationships all continued to persist in their on-again off-again nature leaves the question of whether these types of relationships should be deemed acceptable. Is the intense fighting between Jade and Beck, the acceptance of Spencer’s lying and cheating, and the “grand gesture” made by Diggie normal, or have these shows given us a new idea of normal?
Being 20 means that so many of my friends are experiencing the dating world in so many different ways. Some of my friends have been in the same relationship since the beginning of high school, some are exploring new people, and some remind me of these TV relationships. The acceptance of cheating and lying, the acceptance of not being a priority to their partner, the normalization of intense fights that often involve other friends — it’s all around us.
When I spoke with my mom about her 20s and what dating was like then, I found out that it was a completely different game. Of course, there will always be people who accept dysfunctional or toxic behavior as their normal, but it just didn’t seem to be as prominent in previous generations. When I even mentioned the idea for this article to her, she said that the relationships she watched on TV in her youth were much more stable than the ones she remembered watching with us. While this could be just a difference in what we consider a healthy and stable relationship, it does beg the question, should these relationships we saw on our screens be our new normal?
And, could the TV relationships we watched growing up have affected what we view as healthy?
I think so.