(Friend) I miss having fun
(Me) I am going to move to a foreign village and live off the land and be at peace and never work
(Friend) Like that’s the dream
(Friend) Have some sheep and churn some butter
(Me) Just frolic around in a field
(Friend) I hate working
The melodramatic complaints listed above are text messages that were sent in a group chat between myself and two friends while in the trenches of an internship program a few months ago. While working our respective corporate nine-to-fives, and we found ourselves caught up in a daydream that I’m sure isn’t too unfamiliar to anyone who has found themselves tethered to a spreadsheet. A fantasy of a different kind of life, a life that is simpler and less capitalistically centered.
So in this cultural moment where applications like Microsoft Teams and Zoom allow for an endless and spaceless tie to one’s job, a kind of lifestyle far removed from the outside world and its technological conveniences starts to sound idyllic. And if we can’t escape to this lifestyle ourselves, then America’s favorite form of escapism is probably our best bet.
All of this to say: TLC’s new reality show Suddenly Amish did more than resonate with me, it served as a wish fulfillment actualized.
Suddenly Amish follows the journey of six everyday people (referred to in the Amish community as “English”) trying to convert to the Amish lifestyle in a community in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. The English live in the homes of the Amish who help them practice farming, dressing, shopping, and even dating in the Amish world. The month-long Amish experience leads up to “Reckoning Day,” when the English go to church and seek approval from the bishop to be officially welcomed into the community. The eight episodes feature incest, someone being chased by an ax, a hospital visit, and romance. Which is to say, it’s the perfect reality show.
While some participants’ motives for becoming Amish seem questionable and uninformed — or as reality television king Jesse Palmer would say, “they weren’t there for the right reasons” — one member of the cast of characters stands out as being thoroughly prepared for the journey. And that’s Billie Jo Hefferin, a 46-year-old woman from Berkshire, New York. Billie Jo, or BJ, has been dressing in full Amish attire for around a decade (even while at work), and she has an entire room in her house devoted to displaying Amish paraphernalia. Each moment the camera spends with Billie Jo shows that she’s totally committed — apron and all.
There is an unforgettable moment at the beginning of the series when the Amish find a vibrator in the suitcase BJ brought to Lancaster. At first I didn’t understand how someone so obviously aware of the core no-technology part of Amish life would bring a vibrator to the farm, but after watching more, everything became clear: Billie Jo is just completely herself. She doesn’t hide her expressions, she doesn’t shy away from talking about the things that people may not want to hear. She does what she wants, whether that is wearing Amish clothing while working at an English cafe or wanting to bring a sex toy to an Amish farmhouse. Through it all, she is totally unapologetic.
So when the season finale wrapped up, I one thing was certain to me: I had to talk to BJ. Luckily, she was more than happy to, and unsurprisingly, she was a completely open book.
“It started with just an interest and a curiosity.”
Billie Jo joins our Zoom call caught between two worlds. Her phone is propped up on the dashboard of the car she was driving while dressed head-to-toe in traditional Amish attire. Since the show’s ending, Billie Jo has begun pursuing her discipleship. Meaning, she is back to living and working the real world while she learns Pennsylvania Dutch and searches for a Amish community to baptise her.
I ask Billie Jo about her background: how did she know that she wanted to become Amish? She explains that, “It started with just an interest and a curiosity.”
This interest began years ago when she went to a farmer’s market with her mom, and they began talking to another mother and daughter pair who were Amish and selling goods at the market. Billie Jo was intrigued by this community that existed so close to where she was raised in upstate New York, but felt so out of reach to her. Billie Jo was raised Baptist, so she was curious about the Anabaptists and their similarities to her religious upbringing.
Billie Jo explains that she started to involve herself in the community by purchasing produce and from them, and she eventually made friends with an Amish mom, Barbara, and her family. She was able to help Barbara’s son get jobs in the city, as he was starting a contracting business. Since her local Amish community is Old Order Amish and their only transport is through horse and buggy, she started driving the Amish around in her car to take them to markets and the local Sam’s Club where they sell baked goods. Then, BJ says she thought, “You know what? I’m gonna move closer.”
After physically moving closer to the community, she became friends with more families. She asked one of Barbara’s daughters if she could make BJ an Amish dress. She made more dresses, and then Billie Jo began dress more modestly, then to wear the actual dresses more and more frequently.
“Most importantly, I wanted to follow the religion of wearing a covering and being modest, and standing out from modern society, which I see the irony and the fact that I’m driving.”
As for why she didn’t join this community that she had become so close with, it simply wasn’t an option because of the way that they saw her, which was just an English person.
She says, “I’m the English person that is friends with all the Amish. They haven’t asked me to go to church. It has to be kind of an invite thing.”
As she looks for an Amish community to join, it’s Billie Jo’s goal to shake her English image, to prove herself as one of them. She explains to me that she has to demonstrate her dedication to Amish living by helping the community itself. So, she continues to drive around local Amish people, which allows her to simultaneously learn about the lifestyle and to earn her stripes. Her Amish passengers quiz her on Pennsylvania Dutch, and she tries to absorb everything she overhears. Lately, she’s been them asking for Dutch lessons instead of cash payment in exchange for driving.
I felt much more at peace and much happier on the farm…I really know that I belong in that community and not this modern city.”
As BJ drives around, she tells me that she is now living the hardest part of her journey to become Amish — having to reintegrate into English society after her time in Lancaster.
“I think, it has been the hardest struggle, surprisingly, because I felt much more at peace and much happier on the farm. And then having to come back to my life before, it wasn’t positive. It’s not positive. I really know that I belong in that community and not this modern city.”
She currently works at a cafe at Cornell University, and she has had to fill out paperwork to receive to religious accommodations for wearing her Amish attire to work. She wants to be back in a space removed from these formalities.
“Unfortunately, I was raised in English world that you have leases and bills and car payments and things.”
And in the English world, there are a lot of assumptions about the Amish way of life, despite the lack of information about it due to its isolated nature. Billie Jo is aware of the conservative reputation that Amish communities have, but she doesn’t see it in practice. When I ask her about her friends’ opinion on her new Amish life, she tells me that they are worried about sexism in the community. But, she explains to me her perspective on the assumedly strict gender roles and the division of labor in the community.
“[People think that] women don’t really have a voice. But I can say that I didn’t see that. I still don’t see it…When they get in the car with me, [the husband] gets in the back, and the wife is up front, and we’re very much talking about whatever, and whatever we want to do, we’re calling the shots.”
For someone involved in such a modest and traditional culture, Billie Jo is a very progressive woman. And that frame of mind leads to what may be the show’s most standout moment.
There is a scene where the Amish and the potential Amish are sitting around a table the night before Reckoning Day, discussing their futures in the community and whether they think they will be accepted by the bishop. Billie Jo grew very close to another aspiring Amish person, Judah, and she was concerned about him being accepted by the Lancaster Amish community because he is bisexual. Judah was afraid to bring this up himself, so to advocate for her friend, Billie Jo decided to ask the Amish leaders what they would think of a hypothetical LGBTQ+ person wanting to become Amish. They do end up being welcoming of Judah’s truth.
In our conversation, she reflects on this moment of allyship and friendship.
“I do not want to go to that church tomorrow and beg them to accept me if they’re not going to accept Judah. Like, I’m not gonna be sitting there listening to that. If I go there and they’re like, ‘Oh, we can’t do this,’ then I’m out, and I’m gonna make a scene in this church. It’s not gonna be good.”
She continues, “I’m your average, you know, to put it bluntly, middle-aged (almost) white girl. Because of that, it’s probably gonna be a lot easier for me to be accepted in a community. I’m not married. I’m heterosexual. So I could not understand what he has to go through to be a part of something like this.”
“I’m not comfortable joining any hate group. If there’s no acceptance and they’re not aligning with God’s love, which I feel is for everyone, then it’s just not the right community for me.”
Now, she is looking for the right community for Judah and herself to join together — one that is accepting of both English people hoping to convert and people who identify as LGBTQ+.
“I feel God loves all. So if you want to be a part of this community, it’s important that you’re a part of a community that’s accepting you how you are. So, maybe we won’t find a community that’s gonna marry him if he decides to marry a man one day. But hopefully, we will find a community that is accepting of that. That’s gonna be probably something that we will battle together because I’ll always stand by his side. I’m not comfortable joining any hate group. If there’s no acceptance and they’re not aligning with God’s love, which I feel is for everyone, then it’s just not the right community for me.”
She recognizes the idealism in this task, and she jokes about herself and Judah having to resort to starting their own Amish community.
“I don’t know if I give big bishop energy! I don’t know if I could get a community to follow me.”
Billie Jo explains that while most Amish people don’t think of becoming English and most English people don’t think of becoming Amish, this life change has just been a persistent dream for her. She knows that people, even those who know her best, may not understand. She tells me that her friends joke about how she went to a Biggie Smalls concert in the 90s, and now she’s wearing full Amish regalia on a farm. But to Billie Jo, being a part of the culture just feels right. To her, it’s as simple as that. Suddenly Amish allowed Billie Jo to live her truth, to actualize her dream, to get the escape we all yearn for.
“I can’t really explain it. Like, this world is so dirty and, like, messed up and there’s just something about the peaceful relationship with God, the structure. It’s something that I crave that I didn’t have. So being immersed in it through this opportunity was huge. I’ll always and forever be grateful for that. It was life changing for me. I’m like, okay, this is what I need. This is what I want for myself.”