For a long time, women have been given the quote: “Well-behaved women rarely make history.” As lovely as Laurel Thatcher Ulrich put it, it’s often hard to figure out exactly how we are supposed to be misbehaving. In a world where being ourselves can make us targets in society, learning how to step even further out of that box can seem daunting. I was fortunate enough to have my mother as a role model. Kim Beck, though self-described as an introvert, is a charismatic and fashion-forward woman, who fortunately shocks as often as she dazzles.Â
Kim is a grassroots leader and tireless advocate for democracy and equal rights. In November 2016, she co-founded Downtown Nasty Women, whose mission is to spark civic engagement, increase voter participation, take on pro-democracy issues, elect Democrats up and down the ballot across the country, and shift the balance of power in order to improve people’s lives. Her current focus is helping to garner support for legislation against the 24 hour workday, which is essentially forced onto homecare workers who are most often immigrant women.Â
Kim never misses a chance to misbehave and disrupt a little. She tacked up posters for Prop-1 — a proposition for the NY constitution that guards abortion rights and protects against discrimination— when she visited me at Jewett last year, ignoring me when I said that wasn’t allowed. In 2016, she sent me crying to my formerly Republican grandfather about how he would be dooming his granddaughter to fewer rights if he voted for Trump. I came home after my first semester at Vassar to find approximately 20,000 condoms — sitting in boxes in my room — being stuffed into Plan-A kits to be sent to women in states that don’t provide adequate reproductive healthcare. And while her activism work is only about 10 years old, there has always been a feminist streak in her. In her 20s, she called out her boss when she found out she wasn’t getting paid the same as her male counterparts. And she got her due pay — “politely, of course.” She’s never one to let friends shrink from talking about politics because they find it uncomfortable or rude, and yet she puts aside so much time for listening to them and discussing, that I’ve never seen anyone get upset at her.Â
One of the lessons she taught me is that it’s important to call out the frustrations we face, even when people see them as “small” or “unimportant.” Secondly, she taught me to remember that you aren’t the one disrupting things or causing a problem by calling out others’ misbehavior. If anything, it’s part of your civic duty.Â
Kim still experiences sexism — even from her own political party — when she’s out petitioning and canvassing. One such instance that stood out to me happened last year, when she was collecting signatures for state assembly candidate Jeannine Kiely. She was speaking with a voter about signing to get her on the ballot, when a man petitioning for a different candidate came over and started arguing with her about Kiely. The voter became frustrated and left, explaining that having to be caught in this argument wasn’t worth it to sign for either person. The petitioner continued to disrupt her work, only letting up when a man working alongside Kim came to check in.
When Kim called out the petitioner for harassing her, the only woman, he mocked her for playing “the woman card.” He continued to disrupt and harangue her, until she explained she had worked with his candidate on previous projects, and wanted to know the petitioner’s name. When she spoke with the candidate, he apologized for the petitioner’s behavior, and agreed it was not what they wanted from their campaign team. Why not make people face the consequences of their own actions?Â
Beyond just her, I’ve learned a lot from the people she protests alongside. One story she told me about was a memorable event sponsored by Eleanor’s Legacy, an organization that supports female candidates. One by one, she watched protesters pretend to toast, but then actually roast, Kathy Hocul, who was walking back her support of New York’s climate commitments.Â
At first I was shocked, why bring the focus away from women at an event meant to support them? However, that’s another misbehavior I’ve had to get comfortable with. Sometimes calling out other’s failures helps us refocus on what is important as women. There is nothing more feminine than supporting what you believe in.Â
I asked her what she would recommend to people who feel apprehensive about self advocating, or speaking out against injustices. She acknowledged it is a hard task, but the moment you call out people taking advantage of or overlooking you, it makes it that much harder for them to do it a second time. She’s been a grassroots activist for over ten years, and sometimes she still is not taken seriously by those with political power. Most of the grassroots leaders she works alongside are women, and many are moms and older women. So politicians are happy to use them when they need more volunteers, but they don’t want to give them a seat at the table. She told me that often after you say “the hard thing,” you’ll find that people may come up to you to thank you for opening the stage for them to say something.Â
If there’s anything to take away from her, it’s that the only people who win when you behave, are the people who seek to push people down. Keep fighting on, and keep saying all the hard things.