I shit blood for three months and didn’t do anything about it. Allow me to explain.
I’m a perfectionist. Most of us are in one way or another. But for me, perfectionism looks like an obsessive impetus for academic validation. I learned early on in my educational journey that the only thing standing between me and perfect scores was time – a subset of my now raging academic ego. Motivation was never a factor. I always had more than enough of that. So, given a sufficient amount of time, I could excel at anything.
When I got to college something inside of me clicked into place. I wasn’t just greedy for good grades, I was ravenous for perfect ones. Even when a couple hours of studying would have sufficed, I kept going. I lost myself in the difference between A’s and an A+’s. In the six point difference between a 94 and a 100. And as the demand for time to achieve those scores grew from 5 hours to 10 hours to 20 hours, I started to sacrifice: Sleep, food, exercise, and water.
I finished last semester with a 4.0 GPA. My fifth consecutive 4.0 GPA since starting college. I also finished last semester with internal hemorrhoids caused by severe dehydration (hence the shitting blood), three low blood pressure induced fainting spells from lack of food, water, and sleep, and noticeable muscle loss due to the absence of exercise.
This is no small thing. I denied my most basic survival needs for numbers. My grades might reflect superior intellect, but I’m a goddamn moron.
I swore to myself that this Spring 2023 semester would be different – that this time, I would take care of myself. I would get healthy. Here’s how I’m doing it.
- Water.
Believe me, I understand the idiocy of not drinking water. It doesn’t even have a flavor. And as much as I want to present my justifications for such absurd behavior, I know they’re all bullshit. So, I’ll just cut to the part where I make a recommendation. Buy a water bottle. A nice one. Think of this as an investment in your wellbeing. Get one that you can carry around and that won’t leak in your backpack. Get something that incentivizes you to drink from it. Maybe it’s preference or maybe it’s a lingering Freudian oral fixation, I don’t care, but I like the water bottles that have straws. Mine is a magenta Hydro Flask, but whatever works for you. Here is the Amazon link to my water bottle:
In my health psychology class last semester we learned about a couple science-based self-management tips. One of which was controlling antecedents, which involves placing reminders in your environment. Step one is owning the water bottle. Step two is taking it out. Don’t leave it in your room. Don’t leave it in your backpack. Everytime you stop for class or dinner, set it out in your field of view. If nothing else, the need for something to do will motivate you to take a sip.
- Sleep.
I can still remember the first time a professor scared me shitless into prioritizing sleep. The semester was Fall of 2022. The professor, Dr. Leslie Smith. The class, Intro to Neuroscience. Here’s what I learned: Every part of your body produces waste. When this happens in your brain, something called cerebral spinal fluid (CSF), which surrounds the brain, is pumped through it and clears out the waste lingering between brain cells. However, this process only occurs when a person is sleeping and the buildup of waste can leave clumps of proteins that are toxic. Clumps of proteins that have been positively correlated with cognitive problems in people with Alzheimer’s.
…You know, I’ve taken enough psychology classes now to know the danger of attaching misleading conclusions to correlational research. I know how bad it is to suggest that correlation equals causation. But sometimes it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission, so I hope all my past psych professors can forgive me for what I’m about to say…
Unless you want to kill your brain, go the fuck to sleep. Here’s some inspiration from Samuel L. Jackson for those who like bedtime stories: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Udj-o2m39NA
If fear isn’t enough to motivate you, I have one last recommendation: Exercise. I’m not going to bore you with the details of the lit review I wrote for Dr. Van Schaack’s HOD 2500 class, but after looking at a bunch of studies, I can confidently report that there is a positive correlation between exercise and sleep quality for adults, and I got a 98.2 in Systematic Inquiry, so you can trust me.
- Exercise.
What I lack in motivation to exercise, I make up for in motivation to study, but trust me when I say, my lack of motivation to exercise is utterly ridiculous.
I have some rather horrifying views on suffering. As an avid “end of the world” movie watcher (Think San Andreas, 2012, and The Day after Tomorrow) I decided early on what my course of action would be were the world to be consumed by consecutive Earth shattering natural disasters. To put it sweetly, I would accept my fate and dive head first into the giant tsunami heading my way. I don’t want to feel pain. I don’t want to struggle. I want quick death and blissful ignorance.
So imagine what I’m like at the gym.
Trying to convince myself to fight through one more set of Russian deadlifts with 85 pounds of weight pulling on my scrawny ass legs is like trying to convince the Vandy dining staff to stock the ketchup dispensers with ketchup. Futile.
In my experience, the best way to motivate yourself to go to the gym is with social interaction. Picking a good gym partner or group is critical to success. It has to be someone you’re comfortable with, someone you enjoy hanging out with, and someone who you can count on to drag your ass out of bed when you don’t want to go.
A quick ode to my gym wife: You are the most exquisite woman in the entire world. I don’t know what I would do without the sweet sounds of your voice singing “Oops I Did It Again” by Britany Spears during planks and I look forward to every night spent together in Alumni gym discussing the spicy scenes in A Court of Thorns and Rose in the future. With love, Maggie.
- Food.
Food was above all the hardest thing for me to manage last semester. It’s just so easy to skip breakfast, and if you can make it through your classes without breakfast, surely you can get by without lunch too. Days went by, and then weeks, and by the end of the semester I had gone nearly three months without eating three meals a day.
It wasn’t for lack of hunger or even desire to eat food. Just ask anyone in my family. My ability to inhale burgers, pancakes, and basically any pasta dish is disgustingly disproportionate to my 100 pound body. I once finished a half-gallon of ice cream in 17 minutes and 30 seconds. I just started to think of eating as a burden.
Recently I’ve tried to reprogram my brain to think of food as a mode for growth. Last week my best friend told me my boobs have been looking bigger, not Dolly Parton big, but bigger, and I’m attributing that to the powerful effects of breakfast and Beyonce’s will. But, it doesn’t matter how you want to look at food – A source of deliciousness, energy, or social engagement. Whatever you have to do to motivate yourself, do it.
Another key this semester has been getting food when it is convenient, so I have a surplus when it is not. When I pass the Kissam munchie mart at night while walking back from the library, I’ll pop in and spend a meal swipe on breakfast for the next day or snacks. I highly recommend you do so as well.
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Maslow’s hierarchy of needs delineates human motivation. It’s set up in a triangle and is broken down into seven motivations which need to be satisfied. The motivations are as follows:
1. Physiological
2. Safety
3. Love and belonging
4. Esteem
5. Cognitive
6. Aesthetic
7. Self-actualization
The understanding is that you can not tackle a level beyond which you are not currently meeting. You can’t develop love and belonging until you’ve satisfied your physiological needs for water, sleep, exercise, and food. Taking care of your mental health needs to start with taking care of your physical health.
Now that I am getting physically healthy, I’m starting to tackle the aspects of my head space that make me “fucking crazy” and “ridiculously nuts” in the humorous words of my ex-boyfriend. You might not be shitting blood. You might not have fainting spells, muscle loss, or borderline psychotic perfectionism, but everybody has something. Do what you can to take care of your body, so you can take care of your soul next.