“Practicing self-love means learning how to trust ourselves, treat ourselves with respect, and be kind and affectionate towards ourselves.” — Brene Brown Let’s break this down.
TRUST: means to trust in the timing of your life when everything seems to hang on a limb and you don’t feel completely qualified to take it on, trust that you are making the best possible decision with the information given, trust that gut feeling that tells you to fall away from/dive into/keep consistent with something. Trusting yourself means that mean you tell yourself you will do something, you can trust yourself to follow through. And with that, you can better recognize when others don’t deserve your continued trust.
RESPECT: means you are doing things that help you look in the mirror at the end of the day and say, “I can go to bed with you.” You don’t should all over yourself (I should do this, I shouldn’t do that). You ask, “What respects me as a person?” And you do it. I respect myself when I do what I can even if plans change and I maybe wake up a little earlier to finish my homework. I respect myself when instead of drowning my sorrows in coffee and Cherry Diet Coke Zero, I fill up on ice water and tea and dance it out instead. I respect myself when I tell someone that I really don’t appreciate them taking 2 days to answer an important text.
KIND + AFFECTIONATE: means to show softness, to speak as if you were speaking to a little girl or your best friend, to touch and talk about your body with the spirit of a lover. It doesn’t have to be about your body. It can be simply saying, “Wow, I don’t know how to do that. I think I can give it a go!” It is kindness; it is not bravado. It is doing the best you can with a situation that is uncomfortable — because it’s when we get uncomfortable that we forget to be kind. We get snappy and tense and self-pitying and frozen and dull. Soften. Love is a practice. You may be there, may have been there at some point and have forgotten to get back to self-loving habits, or are yet working towards making these a part of your daily flow. I have experienced all three. I will experience them many times more as the seasons of my life continue to push me into areas where self-love is difficult to hold on to — but self-love will continue to be my saving grace. This all may seem like a lot to handle at once, and there is no comprehensive list of things to do where you’ll come out on the other side and say, “Yes! I love myself. Now I’m done!” There will be moments, wonderful moments, where you realize that you haven’t criticized or compared yourself in a week. Where you felt less lonely, while still spending time alone. And it’s in these moments that you’ve “made it.” You go, you.
Title Image by Roman Kraft