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Why you can’t be friends with your ex

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Valdosta chapter.

Whether it’s your ex or someone you used to “talk” to, after the relationship is over is it possible to be friends? Letting go of someone you used to have emotional feelings for isn’t always the easiest task, that’s why many times people choose to settle for being friends. When you’re still friends with this person you haven’t completely detached them from your life and you can still communicate and sometimes even hang out, this gives you a comforting feeling. This thought may sound nice, but the reality is different. More than likely, your goal is to get over this person and to move on. Reality check: if you keep on having  communication with them and talk to them at least once a day, moving on will never happen. You still have ties with this person, you’re still lingering to what used to be and in the back of your mind, you still have hope. You’re not allowing yourself the opportunity to be with someone else. The truth is if the relationship didn’t work it was obviously for a reason, don’t be unfair to yourself.  ​

Another reason you just can’t be friends with this person is because of your feelings towards them. How are you supposed to be friends with someone you have feelings for? Especially if the relationship you had before is different from the new relationship. You’re going to find yourself going back and forth. One day you’re going to feel content and tell yourself that because you love this person so much being friends is the best option and that you’ll never lose them. Then other days you’re going to be miserable. Finding yourself frustrated because you can’t be “just friends” with this person. You want so much more. You’re going to wonder what they’re doing during their spare time and who they choose to spend it with. Eventually, you’re going to want to express these feelings.The bottom line is as much as you want to be friends with someone you were once involved with, you can’t. Give yourself the opportunity to move on, give someone a chance to make you happy, and don’t make yourself miserable by staying in a dead end relationship. Letting go fully is difficult and it’s going to take both tears and strength. Letting go also takes time, so don’t be impatient with yourself. Remember that as much as you love that person, you should always love yourself more. 


Her Campus at Valdosta State.