In this article, I’m going to have an open discussion about maybe a more controversial topic, this idea of why we should support, celebrate and encourage black love.
Before I get into this and talk about my experiences and the experiences of other people around me in the avenue of black love. It’s important to go into a disclaimer.
In no way am I trying to bash mixed couples, or couples that aren’t black or anything of the sort. It’s important to know that love is love no matter who you choose to love and no matter what color, race, or shape that they are. This article is more to inform on the concept of the inequalities in that of black love and how it has been historically discriminated against in many avenues of life through that of racism and colorism that still affect us today. My perspective is primarily on that of black women because I am a black woman and the many I have faced. They say experiences shape the man/woman I believe above all else we should encourage black love not enforce it.
1. “Do it for the culture”
One of the main reasons why black love is important is its ability to pass down culture and traditions. One of the biggest things that I regret or wish was taught as a child was the native language. My parents are originally from Nigeria but I’ve also felt a bit disconnected from that of the culture because I am unable to speech Yoruba, their native language. In many ways, I feel that because I don’t know the language I’m less likely to get with someone who does speak the language; in an effort to in some ways push away the shame I feel and in many ways, I feel that it unconsciously shapes and impacts how I choose to date and how I view black love. For people who are like me, people who don’t speak their language, or people who don’t feel very connected to their culture for one reason or another; it’s important to pass down what you do know whether it’s recipes, or clothing, or language. That sense of nationalism that sense of individualism that blackness that we all have is ideally unique and it’s meant to be shared. Often our culture is whitewashed and changed in an effort to be assimilated into that of American culture this whole belief that we should lose everything in an effort to become true Americans is something that should be fought against. Because by sharing black love stories, by sharing Black culture stories, we hope to create a shift in how we are portrayed and understood to the world.
2. Female Dating Space
Black love is essential now more than ever because we are in a time where colorism and racism’s tensions are on everyone’s minds. The fact of the matter is that in the western society that we live in black women aren’t desirable. This isn’t a matter of opinion or jealousy or spite this is a matter of statistics and fact. OkCupid, a popular dating app underwent a study on its user’s preferences and swiping history and found that black women were the least desirable among all ethnicities and races. That means they ( black women) received the least amount of swipes than any other race. As a dark skin woman myself, it hurts me to hear other black people/men insulting women that have the same shade of skin as themselves. Perpetuating a narrative of self-hate based on this belief that lighter skin is better. Falling victim to the plethora of harsh false stereotypes of black women being masculine, ugly, and loud. When we put black love first, when we put true black love above all else we open our eyes to the fact that we’re all people and that no one should hate someone solely for their skin color.
3. Sustainability
The last reason why we should encourage hand in hand with that of black love is long time sustainability. According to the 2018 Motherly Study of Motherhood Survey,” Black mothers are four times more likely to be single and serve as the breadwinners of their homes.” I think this is my most important point above all else. By taking the steps and procedures in encouraging black love we are helping it survive long term. When you break up a family in more cases than not you introduce poverty, you introduce struggle, you introduce pain, and by encouraging black love and encouraging working out relationships we create a new outlook for ourselves.
When couple John and Karen Clinkscales, who have been married for 41-year-old, were asked about what black love means to them, they responded that “to me, black love has a unique quality because of the world we live in, both past and present. Black love is the acknowledgment of making sacrifices. We as a couple have to adapt to one another, along with outside forces that affect one’s everyday life. Black love to me can be affectionate, caring, passionate, strong, difficult, painful, cherished. Black love has sustained the test of time.”