I’ve recently realized that I’m living a real-life college experiment. While I was walking to my car one day, it hit me. I could answer a question plenty of people probably find themselves asking before—and maybe after—they go to college.
What if I hadn’t been a relationship? What if I had? How would things be different?
Somehow, I’ve managed to time things perfectly. I will most likely (fingers crossed) spend half of my time in college in a committed relationship and the other half totally and completely unencumbered. I’ve gotten the best of both worlds, and I can give you some sound advice if you’re in a situation like I was. I know which side of the coin is best for me, at least for now.
I came to college with a boyfriend who said he thought we would be together forever. I was okay with that idea, skeptical, but okay.
Forever turned in to our senior year of college and the first half of college. Freshman year gave me a good look at the glaring differences between us, and sophomore year just exacerbated everything I’d realized the year before. I wanted to branch out. I had my grades in check and on the weekends I just wanted to go out and meet new people. I hadn’t made many new friends and I was hungry to fill the void. I started hanging out with my roommate and the friend I had made more often just because they were willing to go out and have fun.
He was content with the friends he’d come to college with and playing video games in all of his spare time. Not only did I feel stifled, but I felt like what I wanted was being ignored. I felt like I was ready to grow and he wasn’t.
In the end, I broke up with him. I cried for a few days and I was sad for a week or so, I even wrote an angry piece of non-fiction about the time I’d wasted. But, I got over it and I’ve never regretted my decision (no matter how many times my mom reminds me of what a nice boy he was honey, really).
While I don’t really believe that any one moment can change your life entirely, but something did change about me when I realized what I really needed was to just be alone. Immediately after our break up I felt so free. I hadn’t realized what a weight our relationship had been on me—and I’d been dragging it behind me for too long. I was free to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I made friends and I started worrying about myself exclusively.
Being selfish has honestly never felt better. There’s a certain thrill in picturing your future without having to worry about anyone else.
I’m sure there are plenty of people in wonderful, supportive relationships that last straight through all four, or five or six years of college. I’m sure they don’t feel trapped like I did—or maybe they do sometimes.
But if you’re like me and you’re having doubts, I say get out now. The person you’re with might be perfectly nice, they might even be the model partner and everything you feel like you could ever want. If you have that feeling like I did, that little voice telling you something just isn’t right, run away. Get away before you waste your time and your partner’s trying to cling to the relationship because college is scary and new a big.
You’ll figure out that almost everyone in your class is scared just like you, looking for a friend in a building full of unfamiliar faces. It’s easier to make friends now than later. College is a time of discovery and growth, and sometimes that’s easier done alone.