Rules of an Open Relationship
Polygamy, polyamory, and open relationship are always an interesting and controversial topic. Celebrities such as Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith to Justin Timberlake and his wife, Jessica Biel, have decided to throw monogamy out the window. Society watches in awe as the media airs shows such as Sister Wives, a television series on TLC that documents a man having multiple wives. What’s the hype about and how does it all work?
My first experience with an open relationship was with a married couple. They were caring, down to earth, understanding people. I met them through a mutual friend and grew very close to both the husband and wife. The wife and I were both pansexual (Google defines pansexuality accordingly: not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity). One night they hosted a house party where she and I kissed. It was shocking because she was a married woman.
One night they invited me to come over. I spent the night and really got to know them. The wife and I ended up lying naked on their couch, but none of it felt awkward or unnatural. She explained to me that she is in love with her husband and only her husband. She was very adamant about him being her one and only soulmate.
Being in an open relationship requires open minds and strong communication. Here are some tips and tricks when exploring open relationships.
TRUST VERSUS FEAR
If you genuinely trust your significant other and vice versa then there is little room for insecurities. Being protective of people you are attached to comes with being a human. I am not saying that if you trust someone, insecurities easily fly out the window. That may work with some people, but everyone is different. I am saying that if you have faith in your partner and you know that you can trust them to be honest with you, this has a possibility of being successful. If you both value and love your relationship and openly discuss boundaries then overthinking and other issues are less likely to happen.
speaking of boundaries…
BOUNDARIES DO EXIST
With this open relationship, is it just sexual or is your partner allowed to have significant others? Do you have to meet and approve of the person before anything takes place? Is protection while intercourse strictly enforced? Is there a limit on how many partners are allowed? Are threesomes acceptable?
This is a “learn as you go” experience. Remember that your serious long-term relationship comes first, not any “side pieces”. Respect each other’s feelings and boundaries. If something makes you or your significant other uncomfortable- vocalize it, discuss it and solve it. Every relationship takes effort and energy, regardless if it’s open or not.
COMFORT IS KEY
If everyone involved is not comfortable with the situation then it will not work. Do not simply go along with this because it would make your significant other happy. Do not let little things go undiscussed. Before anything happens fully inform one another about what is taking place and mutually agree this is okay. Having an open relationship has the potential to strengthen the bond between two individuals. Don’t let it be the reason why your relationship doesn’t work.
Open relationships may seem tricky, even crazy to some people. Although this is controversial behavior, it is not at all new. Do some research. Have fun and explore this new world. It is not for everyone, but it may be for you.