I Hate Dressing: a Thanksgiving Rant

Hey beautiful ladies!

Thanksgiving will be here for you know it, and I’m extremely excited. I’m mostly excited because I’ll be home after about a month of being stranded here in Valdosta. Also, I’m excited because I’ll be able to eat some homecooked food; something you can’t get here at school. 

I seriously can’t wait. The collard greens. The mac and cheese. Sweet potato pie. Oh, and let’s not forgot our good sis, Turkey. There’s just one thing I can’t stand: Dressing. Now, depending on where you’re from, you might call it stuffing. Same difference. Throw it away. It’s disgusting. 

Now you’re probably wondering: Marissa, what’s your beef with dressing? Well, does congealed bread sound appetizing? It sounds like a waste of ingredients to me. It’s basically a soggy congealed vegetable cake for your turkey. You slap a brick of dressing on a plate, add turkey, and drown it in gravy. Maybe it’s because I’m a texture eater, but it’s hard to get my mind over soggy bread. Folks also put this devilment inside their turkeys supposedly. The audacity. The bird doesn’t deserve the disrespect. At all. I call dressing the “Devil’s Fruit Cake”.

At one point, my mom tried her hardest to make me eat it. Even at this point in my life, I couldn’t fathom even cutting a piece of it and shoveling it on… my plate. I’d rather eat black-eyed peas, and I also think that is sorcery from the devil. Usually at my family’s Thanksgiving function, the dressing is either completely gone or the pan is sitting perfectly on the stove, full of dressing. It’s atrocious.

Thanks for reading my Thanksgiving rant, ladies!

 

With love + hate for nasty a** dressing,

 

-Marissa Auriell

 

HXCO!