We’ve all been there. One minute we’re in what seems like a great relationship, laughing and sharing special moments together, and the next thing you know it’s over. Or maybe you got caught up in a situationship, and now you’re coming down hard. Either way, there are so many emotions running through your head, it’s hard to know what to do or where to start. For every person that knows this feeling, I want to share some advice with you on getting over a breakup/ex.
This first section is for the beginning stages of the breakup
It’s not an overnight process
Healing from any relationship where your feelings were involved is going to take time. Try not to get caught up in the “I don’t know why I’m still crying” or “I should be over this by now” narrative. You’re human, and you shared a bond with that person. Those feelings don’t just go away. It’s okay to let yourself feel.
Know that this heavy feeling doesn’t last forever
In the beginning it can seem like you don’t know how to “fix yourself” but I want to tell you first, you’re not broken. You’re going through an intense time of emotion, and it’s going to take some time to work through it. Just know that you will. Hard times don’t last forever.
Get support from someone/friends
If you’re not careful, it can be easy to let these feelings consume you. Reach out to someone and let them know what’s going on. That can be a friend/ family member, a counselor or even a therapist. Sometimes it helps to vent to others or just have someone around to help cheer you up.
Things are starting to shift a bit. You notice that you don’t have as much of an emotional reaction to your ex, but for some reason you still just can’t shake them. You might wonder what they’re doing, if they’ve moved on yet and occasionally that thought crosses your mind “I wonder if they miss me/are they thinking about me?” Here’s some advice to help with that.
Unfriend/Block them on social media
If you haven’t done this by now, that’s totally fine; but it could be in your best interest to click that unfollow button/block button. Trust me, the worst thing is finally feeling like you’re over someone, and then a picture of them pops up on your TL. You don’t need that energy in your life.
Resist the urge to check up on them
If you blocked them that will help. But sometimes you're just nosy and other times maybe you’re wondering if they’ve hinted about you on social media lately. Most times they won’t, but even if they do, that’s so passive. You deserve someone that can clearly communicate their feelings to you; plus you’re doing so much better without them. If that isn’t enough, I read somewhere that you have to tell yourself from this point on that if you check their socials you will either see something you don’t care about or something that hurts your feelings. Harsh, but it’s the truth.
Pick up a new hobby like bowling or journaling. You can create distractions for yourself; just be mindful that your new distraction doesn’t become unhealthy (ie. going out and partying/drinking every weekend). As long as your distraction doesn’t negatively impact you or your future, then you should be good.
Learn what you need
Some people heal with solitude, some don’t. Take time to learn what will benefit you. Maybe you need to pamper yourself, maybe you need a kick-ass playlist or maybe you just need to cry it out. I personally like to be alone to process my feelings, and if you are the same way, just remember to reach out to your friends and family ever so often to let them know you’re okay.
Accept that you can’t always get closure (Here’s a little bit of tough love)
This is important. I’ve witnessed people put a hold on the progression and growth of their lives waiting for closure. It’s a hard thing to accept, especially if the relationship ended on terrible terms, but at some point you’ve got to let it go. We all have issues and things that we’re dealing with and often times that can be a cause to why someone acted the way they did. However, regardless of what someone may be dealing with, you are human and you deserve kindness and respect. If someone could not give that to you, they don’t deserve to have you in their life and you don’t need them in yours. Move on, your future self will thank you for it.
Work on yourself
Use this time to strengthen your self-love, to set healthy boundaries or to reconnect with your goals. If you’re in a place where you can reflect over the relationship (in a healthy way) do it. See if there were some areas where you disrespected your own boundaries or where you simply could use some healing and work on that. It can be challenging to self-asses especially when you weren’t the one who ultimately ended things but remember nobodies perfect. We could all benefit from understanding where we need to grow as well.
Hopefully this advice helped a little. Please remember you are always worthy and deserving of love and kindness, and you will get through this!