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Is “The Friend Zone” a Real Thing?

The Friend Zone, a place where lonely singles meet to discuss their undying lust for a friend. A place often associated with rejection, misfortune, and tears of weak little men. Is it real though? I would say no. Let me break it down for you.

Oh friendship, one of the most important ships to sail. It’s the happy medium of all relationships. A mutual attachment between people. They aren’t family, they aren’t a SO, they’re just your… friend. We all have them and they’re super awesome, right? It’s gotta make you wonder what’s so bad about the friend zone when friend themselves are so freaking delightful. Let’s look at the definition of friendship.


By definition, a friend is a person closer to you than just any old person, but not that close. You know what kind of close I’m talking about. Read the definition; “a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.” One more time for those in the back, typically exclusive of sexual relations. 

That ladies and gentlemen is the issue with the friend zone. This inherently sexist term has been used to downplay the advances of men. It’s almost always used when a guy is rejected by his lady friend and makes a girl look like a butt for denying a male instead of what it really should be, a place where men come to terms with their denial. 

The friend zone should be a positive place. Friends should be a positive thing in your life! The term itself shows just how much the men who use it value their friendships with women. Now, that’s not to say the term isn’t used by all people, but it’s most associated with men toward women. To say you’ve been friend zoned is to say you haven’t been a friend the entire time. The friend zone adds to the notion that if a guy is nice his sexual advances should be met without rejection. So nice guys are just being nice to get out of the friend zone? Do you hear how that sounds? Just because someone is nice doesn’t mean they’re worthy of sex, and they shouldn’t feel that way. It’s a totally entitled way of thinking and isn’t very nice at all. 

Women shouldn’t be shamed for their want to remain friends. One, you don’t owe any man anything. A friendship requires a lot out of a person: time, trust, vulnerability. If someone tries to make a mockery of the effort you’ve put into a friendship by throwing that term out there’s no need to stick around. Two, the term objectifies women. Women aren’t trophies men get for good behavior. We’re actual people, with actual feelings, that want actual friends. Not guys just playing pretend to get in our pants. Men don’t deserve women because women can’t be won. Women are not prizes to be sought after. That is the premise of objectification toward women, that they are prizes to be sought after not actual human beings. 


So next time you find yourself next to a person claiming to have been friendzoned by you ask them what you’ve been all along. Ask them if it’s the lack of sex. Ask them what stage of grief they’re in. Ask them why they can’t deal well with rejection. If you find yourself saying it, dry your tears and be cool with just being a friend. Friends are great and if a person feels comfortable enough to let you in that much feel honored NOT angry.


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