In the 5 months I have been engaged, I have realized that there are so many things I had no idea I would learn. Here are a few of the things I have discovered about being engaged:
1. People will tell you you’re doing things wrong. I cannot tell you how many times I have felt bad about the way I’ve been planning my wedding. Anyone from industry workers, friends, family, and strangers will ask about how you’re going about certain details. That is normal and appreciated. What is not appreciated is being judged to my face about the decisions I am making. If it is really “my” day, can I be given the space to be confident about my decisions?
2. People will tell you how sad they are that they are single. I get it. I really do. You think I don’t, but I do. I am in my first and last serious relationship. I was a single girl too! However, I never resented those around me who were in happy relationships. Someone else’s happiness is not my demise.
Here’s an analogy: girls tend to judge and hate on other really skinny, pretty, talented, and fashionable girls. We see a girl looking super gorgeous and say, “Ugh, I hate her.” Why is that? She is just living her life on her own terms and owning what she’s got to work with. Because she is pretty, it does not make you ugly. Her attractiveness is not taking attractiveness away from you.
Hopefully the connection to my situation is clear. I am not trying to highlight the fact that you’re single. I am simply engaged. That is just where I’m taking my relationship. That doesn’t mean I am taking the opportunity of a great relationship away from anyone else!
3. You cannot invite everyone you know. So, unfortunately, you are going to hurt some people’s feelings so the guest list isn’t 9,000. And that is very difficult. When it came time to write out the guest list, I think we reached a list of over 600 people. Clearly, that number is a bit large. Yet, those were the people we wanted there. After budgeting and serious deliberation, we have had to cut our number down. I wish everyone I ever met could come, but this is also a very intimate moment in my and my fiancé’s life
4. You realize that you and your unmarried friends have a very unrealistic view of what it means to be ready to get married. I can’t tell you how many times my friends and I have told each other “this is the one for me.” So perhaps when I met my fiancé and immediately told my friends that I had found my prince, they knew the drill. Of course, this one was different. We’ve been together for almost two and a half years, so we have had our share of up’s, down’s, and everything in between. If you completely know someone and still want to share every minute, penny, and thought with them, you are ready to marry them.
5. It is very hard to plan things your own way. We are so used to seeing things being done in certain ways that it is hard to put your foot down and just do what you want. I recently told someone that I wanted to paint my fingernails light pink for the wedding. They looked at me with confusion and told me that all brides should have a French manicure because that’s just want you do. This example may seem miniscule, but I have encountered countless conversations like this one. Brides have a lot of traditions to carry on, but also to break.
6. Your big day isn’t just about you; it is a special day for your parents too. Your parents and other close family members have seen you through every aspect of your life. To have their baby grow up and begin his/her own family is monumental. My parents and my future in-laws have already shared with me how special this time is. It is “my” (and my fiancé’s) day, but it wouldn’t be possible without the support of our folks.
7. The only way to get through this stressful time is to focus a lifetime spent with your beloved. I can honestly say that I have wanted to just cancel the wedding and take my man to the courthouse. He is the only thing getting me through the stresses of wedding planning. He is there to remind me that our dream wedding is going to be the best kick-off party we could hope for. And that is why this is all worth it.