Why am I waiting to lose my virginity? Many of my answers include: I have not found the “right one”, I am waiting until marriage, or I just have not had the opportunity come about. The funny thing is I never thought I would still be a virgin at the age of 21. I still remember when my mom told me she lied about waiting until marriage, and how she caught me naked in bed with a big stuff animal under my covers after watching Titanic. Both true stories, however, in the end, I actually truly do not know why I still hold on to it; my virginity.
All I know is that I hear stories all the time about people’s first times and I feel nothing. Nothing because I can not relate to them one bit and it truly blows. The worst part is the fact of not knowing what it feels like to be so comfortable with a sexual partner, or the idea of just being loved in general, or being craved by someone or flat out worth it.
I am truly okay with the fact that I still have my virginity; I mean this is what I get for waiting. I am waiting for something extraordinary. I don’t want to rush and I don’t feel the need to settle just because everyone else may be doing it. I find out constantly that I am being drawn to the topic of sex because it is something I still do not completely understand.
Right now many of my peers are always talking about their different sexual partners they have encountered, including one night stands, long-term boyfriends, or the ones’ that come during the times of need. Believe it or not, I have had my own “one-night stands” the times where I still just can not get myself to give it to any somebody.
Recently, in the movie madness, Fifty Shades Darker hit theaters and it was a huge sensation. Like many of the viewers, I glued my eyes to the screen because of the addiction of wanting a Mr. Grey. I personally connected a lot to this movie because of the fact that Ana is in her 20’s and still a virgin. Mr. Grey, a successful young millionaire is taken upon a beautiful, independent Ms. Anastasia Steele. In the first part of the trilogy, she discusses her virginity and that arouses Mr. Grey. He claims “men must throw themselves at you”. There are men that do come around; I’m not THAT lonely. However, when the time comes, and I have to explain myself it completely changes the mood of the moment. They either A) get awkward because they have no idea what to say. B) They say something like “I do not want to be the one to take that from you” or C) “that is extremely beautiful that you still have not had sex yet”. Clearly, Mr. Grey was in love with the idea that Ana was a virgin, but the reality is most guys in college are not like Mr. Grey. College usually is known for “hooking up” or trying to stick with the “one”. It is hard to split up the “ones” and “honestly are any of these guys worth my time”. Why am I obsessed with the idea of the “one”? It seriously has put a halt on my sex life… I just crave somebody who will once notice that it is beautiful to hold on to something like virginity. I want someone that will love all of me even though I haven’t done it yet; somebody that will come into my life and will be out of this world because I was patient about loving myself first.
Waiting is okay. It may not be common to wait anymore, but it is important to know what you want before you go ahead and lose a part of yourself. Settling does not have to control your life because you are the one in control of your life.