You’ve heard all advice possible when it comes to moving on, but what no one told you was that sometimes you will miss them even after you have “moved on”.
The relationship is over, and you haven’t talked since. You cut ties immediately because it was the easiest thing to do after losing someone who became all of you. It hurt like hell, and there were sleepless nights thinking about what went wrong. You ask yourself over and over again, “what could I have done to make them stay?” But somehow you came out on top, the tears stopped falling, and it hurt less to think about them.
You are months into moving on, and continuing to do your own thing. You go out with your girlfriends, dance the night away, and do things that feed your soul. You are finally able to try that new restaurant, and spend some quality time on yourself. Yet sometimes you still miss the little things about that special person you lost. You miss the way their hand fit perfectly into yours, the way they looked when they had just woken up, and the crease they would get on their forehead when they were concentrating. They were the first person you thought of when you woke up, and the last person right before you went to sleep. In your time of need they would be there. They are gone and you have managed to continue on, but you still wish they were your person sometimes.
Your friends told you that you just needed time.
Everyone told you that you just need to focus on other things.
You just have to let go and move on.
Time has come and gone, and you’re still here… In the grey area of moving on.
You’re doing everything you thought you were supposed to do.
You are focusing on yourself.
You are meeting new people; dating new people.
You are living the “single life” according to every Facebook post you read.
Yet you still think about how they would love this new coffee shop you found. How they would be so proud of you for acing that exam. How they would love to binge watch another season on Netflix. They are still the person you want to run to when your world is falling apart. You lost part of you, and its okay to feel this way.
Day after day you feel okay about moving forward, but you are struggling inside to let go completely. This is the grey area of moving on because you have accepted the loss of this relationship, the love that you once felt but still miss when you are lying in bed at 2 a.m. You do not miss them, you do not miss that relationship. You miss the way it felt to have someone there for you. It’s okay to feel this way, its okay to miss the butterflies you get from someone, the way your heart beats fast with the first kiss. It is not okay to look at those old pictures and wish it was them, to hope they will come back. Because they won’t, and you don’t want them to.
You deserve better. Remember this.
Allow yourself to move past the grey area, to truly come out on top after a breakup. Push yourself to make better memories with someone else; yourself.