Have you ever heard someone mention the phrase: “I’m not like other girls”? Although it is supposed to be empowering, the phrase comes off as toxic by segregating women from each other and discouraging traditional kinds of femininity.
In other words, the “not like other girls” trope is a clear example of how internalized misogyny creeps through everyday conversation.
Because we live in a patriarchal society, we often don’t notice the kinds of casual language that reinforce sexism. Girls are taught from a young age that “boys will be boys” and that we must tolerate that disrespect from men. When women stick up for themselves, they are often dismissed as being too emotional or disruptive. Refusing to be the nice girl can even lead to life-threatening consequences.
The subtlety of structural misogyny is everywhere, and recognizing it is the first step to tearing it down.
A lot of misogynistic comments are made in the form of jokes. This might mean making jokes about a woman’s “time of the month” as a way to invalidate her feelings. Sexist humour often involves stereotypes. The jokes are disguised as something not to be taken seriously, continuing the cycle of hate. But if you have to respond to your own joke with “relax” or “don’t be so sensitive,” it probably wasn’t that funny in the first place.
Many women are patronized in childlike or condescending ways. I’ve seen firsthand, working in the food industry, how my female coworkers and I are talked down to. Whether that’s being called a “good girl” or being told to “smile more,” the comments do not seem to end.
This unnecessary language usually coincides with the objectification of women’s bodies. The patronizing terms are often unwanted compliments, and they are usually inappropriately timed. Catcalling women in the street, policing women’s clothing, and comparing women as objects are just a few examples.
There is also a strong double standard between men and women. Where most ambitious women are seen as “bossy” for holding leadership roles, the same jobs done by a man make him appear strong, driven, and independent. Men are allowed to age, but when women do, it is seen as “letting herself go”. Let’s not forget that women are also assumed to fill domestic jobs in the workplace, even if they don’t want to.
Even when women hold more traditional gender roles, they are still told they’re not doing enough. Raising children, cooking, cleaning, and caretaking 24/7 is a full-time job. There are no breaks to motherhood, and if women were to stop altogether, society would collapse! But because it’s a required form of unpaid labour, mothers are undervalued.
And worst of all, women are forced to internalize these unfair practices and see other women as competition. We judge other women for not living up to this perfect, unattainable standard when we should instead focus on creating communities of support. At the end of the day, there’s no reason that successful women cannot coexist. In fact, it’s admiring one another and hyping each other up that will help you gain confidence in yourself.
Spreading awareness around subtle misogyny is powerful. We may have inherited sexism, but we can start dismantling it by making some changes. There’s no better time to start than now, during Women’s History Month!
Take a look at CBC’s approach to speaking in a more gender-inclusive way in the workplace!