When you’re a shy child, the idea of going beyond your comfort zone is terrifying. For as long as I can remember, I always avoided speaking loudly or boasting about myself out of fear that I wouldn’t be accepted. I thought that being myself was selfish. I figured that to make friends, I had to be someone else. Now that I’m 20 years old, it’s clear that that isn’t the case.Â
I’ll always be the shy little kid who was afraid to speak in front of the school, but confronting my fear of “taking up space” has made me the person I am today. Despite how scary it may be and how awkward it may feel, it’s possible to make outgoing habits become natural.Â
Eye Contact
A small yet crucial aspect of embracing extrovertedness starts with eye contact. I struggled with eye contact for years and have only recently become comfortable with it, whether they’re loved ones or strangers. Having a job in customer service certainly forces you to get better with eye contact, but it’s the repeated practice with everyone in your life that will help you maintain it.Â
Becoming more comfortable with eye contact also builds confidence. You start taking yourself more seriously, can focus clearly on your subject, and oftentimes, looking someone in the eye forces people to listen to what you’re saying. A lot of people tend to ignore or speak over someone who’s speaking quietly or less in general (believe me, I know!), but by using eye contact, you trick your brain into feeling confident in your own voice.
Practicing Rejection
A huge part of my shyness stemmed from worrying about others’ opinions of me. To counteract this and become more comfortable in social settings, I’ve seen people use rejection therapy. Rejection therapy encourages people to purposefully ask questions in person that will turn them down to become desensitized to being rejected.Â
Embracing rejection can be a great way to become okay with both making mistakes and failing. It helps you realize that people are generally good and aren’t seeking out hate, despite what your brain convinces you to think. Overthinking the “what ifs” is easy. However, I’ve come to realize that most questions I think of as “too much” are really harmless when it comes down to it, and that failure is not the end-all-be-all.
Simply Saying “Yes”
As a child, I was frightened of the unthinkable: hanging out with my friends. I’m aware It sounds insane, but I was scared that saying yes may force me into a bad situation I couldn’t get out of. The thought of putting myself out there and allowing myself to have fun would surely have dire consequences, right? In reality, I was just horrified to leave my comfort zone. However, saying yes has allowed me to have experiences I never would have imagined. Opening one door can lead to several more. I wouldn’t have some of my best friends today if I hadn’t opened myself up to engaging in new experiences.Â
Although throwing yourself into something new can be overwhelming, it’s usually incredibly worthwhile! Joining clubs, sports, or taking up new hobbies are just a few ways you can practice being open and extroverted. By no means is this always an easy task. Sometimes the thought of change can stir up our emotions—but we can face our fears and enjoy new experiences simultaneously.Â
I find that shyness still plays a part in my life, and I love that it is a part of who I am. But learning that it’s okay to be myself, and loudly, is so important.
It feels awkward to stick up for yourself, but there’s a hidden power in choosing to love who you are. Branching out has been scary, and there are times where inserting myself in conversations, raising my hand, or even giving more hugs feels unnatural, but the more I do it, the easier it gets.Â
So don’t forget that you deserve to take up space! It feels strange to become more sociable, but it’s a continuous learning experience that will open you up to great things if you take the chance.