What is strength?
By definition, strength is the quality of being physically strong or capable of withstanding pressure. Strength can present itself differently and is something that can be perceived and viewed differently by everyone. I have viewed strength in various ways throughout my life, and I finally feel that I have an accurate notion of this complex word.
What is strength?
Early on in my life, I was provided the answer to this question: strength was force and physical bruteness. My father was a strong man that I admired very much, He worked in construction and took great pride in his handyman abilities. I often helped him with home renovation tasks where he would talk to me in length about his days as a football player and a fighter. I reveled in this idea: being able to simply overpower those around you and get what you want.
But this was not for me to achieve. I was a girl, and very much expected to act accordingly. My father was a strong man, but also an old fashioned man with traditional ideologies surrounding gender roles. While he was glad to accept my help around the home, I was not permitted to be “strong.” I was enrolled in ballet, gymnastics, and musical arts, while my brother was in hockey, football, and lacrosse. I was taught that being strong was not an achievable characteristic for females. I was taught to be more like my mother.
My mother was an ideal wife to my father; she went absolutely above and beyond for her husband and children and always ensured that we had everything that we needed. We lived in a toxic environment though, with my father who was very abusive. While she stood her ground and fought against him when it came to us, she rarely stood up for herself and always took him back. For a long time, I saw her as weak. How can someone stay with a person that hurts them? A person that harms their children?
But our parents tend to shield us from the things that might scare us. What I did not realize was the control that he had over her – financially, socially, and otherwise. He had isolated her from friends and family, and economically trapped her.
I did not realize that she didn’t have a father, and did not wish to see her own children with the same disadvantage, as she perceived it. I also did not realize that she had a long-term plan to get us away from him. And when I was 19 years old, she would finally have the resources together to be able to support herself and her children, and leave.
Strength is force and physical bruteness, but it is also caring. It is ensuring that your children are provided for no matter the circumstances. It is wanting better for someone else, and taking steps toward a more positive future for them and yourself.
My mother waited as long as she did because she knew that her departure had to be properly timed in order to ensure the least impact on myself and my brother. She endured 21 years of abuse while being a constant invisible source of strength for her children. Only when she knew that her children were strong did she develop strength for herself. My mother is the strongest person that I know because she was strong not only for herself, and I realize now that I have learned about strength from her all along.