I still remember the night they told me. The night my world came to a standstill and I felt my heart drop into my stomach. You were gone. Forever. The tears came so fast and I was screaming, wailing, sobbing. I didn’t know what to do. It was too late, there was nothing I could do. I had failed you as a person you could rely on. You were gone, and I was heartbroken. All I could think of was why…
Suicide is such a sharp word. It’s a word that people are afraid of. It’s a word that represents the most selfish thing a person can do; it is reckless and impatient. “Things will get better” they say; unfortunately, you didn’t believe them. To know that you had no more hope left, hurt me the most. I still see things I want to show you, and as I continue to live I still experience things that I want to tell you. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss you, even though now it’s been years. I understand your choice, I just don’t understand why you chose it. To commit a permanent solution to temporary problems.
You were supposed to go away to school, things were about to get fun. I always wish you just held on. I cherish our memories together, from playing when we were little, to our heart-to-hearts as foolish teenagers. Even as I sit here, writing you this letter, I remember the way you smiled, the way your eyes crinkled and your nostrils flared when you laughed. I remember how big your smile was. You could light up a room.
I’m so sad that you’re gone, that there will be no more phone calls or times I get to see you, but know that I love you will my whole heart and nothing will ever change that. Rest in peace, you’re in a better place now.
Authors note: Suicide is the leading cause of premature death, and is 100% preventable. Approximately 60% of Canadians deal with depression everyday. There is a way to treat it, and even more possible a way to get better to live a full and healthy life. Things get better.