In the South Asian community, there is a controversial topic causing a storm in households across the North America. A popular Instagram page, @punjabibitchesblike, has been under fire for harassment and has opened up dialogue on how South Asians families view boys and girls in our society. In fact, it has illuminated the circumstances in which South Asian women live in today. The community has been divided between a dichotomy of perspectives: one, based on the idea that “boys will be boys” and girls need to be “honourable” and; two, that we need to hold boys accountable for their actions rather than victim-blaming.
My opinion-based article talks about the collective facts existing about this particular issue, but also critically analyzes the impact structural and institutional sexism has on South Asian women.
The Instagram page, @punjabibitchesblike, has been popular within the South Asian youth community for a very long time. The page usually posts memes about Punjabi culture and youth in a satirical way. However, one too many times it has been crude and has crossed the line from funny to disrespectful. More recently, this page has been posting images of young women with captions that slut-shame and demean them for their individuality. The captions underneath the pictures have elaborate stories and claims that are not only hurtful, but frankly untrue and disgusting. This has been going on for a while now. However, within the past week, this page has gone as far as to post nudes of young women without their permission.
The owner of this Instagram account goes by @dhillonnboy. All the information I know about this individual comes from an interview he did with Punjabi TV personality, Joginder Bassi, on Gaunda Punjab. In this Punjabi interview, it was discovered that his name is Rajbir Singh Dhillon, is 24 years old (although many people claim he’s actually 30 years of age) and is apparently a truck driver.
During this particular interview, he was asked why he has posted inappropriate pictures of girls, to which he replied that he wanted to teach the girls a lesson so they don’t expose themselves to someone else. The thing that boggles my mind is that he has 22.6K followers, so he’s exposed these girls to so many people already. He goes on further to say that he exposes girls that get drunk and hug boys at night, since girls shouldn’t be drinking alcohol in the first place. He ended his statement by saying that these images are his way of bringing awareness to girls that do wrong things to the Punjabi community. During this TV broadcast, the host Bassi and his co-host Harsimran S. Goraya, had taken many phone calls from people around North America who had personally experienced harassment from Dhillon, or know someone, such as a girlfriend, sister, or daughter who had been a victim. They shared their stories and claimed that he posts pictures of all girls, whether they are “dirty” or not.
The reason this page has received so much attention is because a young Instagram personality, @essmahil or Sukhi, shared her experience of harassment by Dhillon on her account. She then became the voice of this issue as many women sought solace in her by sharing their experiences as well. Apparently 120 women have approach Sukhi and 28 women are willing to come forward. She has backed her allegations of harassment by providing screenshots of conversations Dhillon has had with young women, recordings of voicemails he’s left, as well as call-logs. She has shown the public a fraction of the harassment experienced by women, which she has posted on her profile.
In terms of the harassment itself, through the interview with Sukhi, the exposed proof on her Instagram page, as well as the callers, it seems to be that Dhillon messages girls on Instagram for attention. He demands them for pictures, nudes, phone numbers and even sexual favours. If they reply “no”, he gets offended and begins to threaten to post their pictures on his profile. If he doesn’t have any compromising photos, he posts a regular photo and places it with a distasteful caption to ruin their character in the eyes of the public and her family and friends. If he posts nudes, he usually gets them from ex-boyfriends or forces girls to give them to him. If the girls refuse to acknowledge his message, he does the same thing. If he gets the number of a girl, he makes excessive phone calls asking them to talk dirty to him or to begin a relationship. If the women claim they are uninterested or have a significant other in their life, he completely disregards it. He also refuses to speak to anyone but the women themselves, especially when they ask for help from a male figure in their life. On the interview, he said, he has no desire to speak to anyone else because if the girls are uncomfortable then they should block him. However, when the young women do, he has a history of reacting by posting memes or pictures of them regardless. To make matters worse, some girls are even underage.
This sort of harassment is extremely serious. In the South Asian community, there is a tendency to blame women for anything that happens to them. There is an expectation for women to be “honourable”, “good girls”, and “traditional”. The mentality is usually “she got what she was asked for because of her outfit and time of night”. Therefore, some parents are not supportive, and punish their daughters or condemn them. Girls are terrified of their families and can’t ask for help when they are in trouble. In fact, some of Dhillon’s victims have even attempted suicide because of the severity of their situation. This lack of support exists because many families view certain types of behaviour as “un-womanly” thus preventing women from voicing their concerns or even what they want to do with their lives. South Asian women are usually subjected to subordination to their families, or more specifically, male figures. The reason there is such a hold on women, is because of the systematic sexism that exists in the culture because of eons of history and social behaviour. In fact, families have a grip on their daughters, which they deem as a responsibility, because they think women can be impious without restrictions due to their naivety and allure of promiscuity.
Many South Asian families have a certain standard for girls and apply restrictions on them, while letting boys have an excessive amount of freedom. For women, staying out too late or too long, drinking alcohol, dancing at a nightclub or thinking too “aggressively” is frowned upon. This sort of behaviour is ill and immoral, thus bringing shame to the family name. This way of thinking allows misogyny to seep into the standard household management technique, enforcing patriarchy in South Asian families. In my opinion, this is beyond outrageous and ludicrous. The biological makeup of a human being does not determine what rights and freedoms they can and cannot have. In fact, statistics and history shows that women are fully capable to operate as independent beings in leadership positions and be successful. In a previous article, I explained why it is so important to empower women to be autonomous agents, since they have a staggering positive effect on civic life.
Furthermore, if South Asian history is analyzed, behind all the wonderful and beautiful things that have existed, like the rest of the world, it has not been immune to the embedment of sexism in culture. Women have been taught to be subservient, as they live to please the male figures in their household, thus should not have the audacity to speak up. A woman’s role is to be stay-at-home mom with a minimal education, so she can spend her life taking care of the family, and only doing things that her husband permits her to do. On the other hand, the men are the dominant figures whose job is to protect the female. However, there is a delusion, that is all too common, that protection means control or authority over a woman, since “protector” alludes power. This concept isn’t specific to South Asian cultures, but rather is a part of human history. Nonetheless, this mindset has progressed only a bit, as there is value of tradition passed down generations.
This misogyny that has manifested in households is clearly seen in daily familial and societal behaviours. A perfect example to this, is the whole @panjabibitchesblike fiasco. In my opinion, Dhillon is obnoxious, flamboyant, and vulgar because of the socialization he has received. He thinks he has the right to “teach girls a lesson” for not being “proper girls” all the while glorifying other women for being “sexy” and “hot”. He refers to drinking alcohol and doing drugs as negative behaviour that needs to be called out and shunned, all the while enjoying the recreation of certain substances as well. He also doesn’t expose men who take part in “impious” behaviours, furthering his sexism. He shames women for not doing what he wants as a punishment of not obeying his demands, because he thinks he has some sort of authority over women. He believes that he has the right to expose women that are unvirtuous, after he tries to get with them, which makes no sense at all. He believes that women are after him for money and attention, thus demeaning women as sleazy. He understands the control he has over a woman’s life because of the cultural expectations of women and uses that to his advantage to get what he wants. He holds double standards for men and women because of this deep sense of sexism that exists in the South Asian culture.Another example of societal behaviour that is sexist is eve-teasing. Eve-teasing is a euphemism used in South Asia for public sexual harassment, street harassment or molestation of women by men. Women are constantly gawked at, receive sexually suggestive remarks, are catcalled, receive sexual aggression in public or in the workplace, and are even subjected to groping. However, this behaviour still somehow tends to be blamed on women since they were a “tease” or were wearing something suggestive. Rather than taking a long hard look at men, we blame women for literally everything. Women should be able to express themselves in anyway that empowers them to be bold, beautiful and brilliant without worrying about harassment. If women want to be covered head-to-toe, or show off some skin, it’s up to them. Even the statement “boys will be boys” is just completely wrong. It expresses the fact that as a society we can’t expect anything but bad behaviour from men. It’s as if they are incapable of being appropriate and respectful. It is the responsibility of families and education systems to instill gender equality values and the notion of men being held accountable for their own actions.
Many times, I have heard that the act of catcalling or even Dhillon’s actions on his Instagram page, are not harassment, but rather freedom of speech. This enrages me. Freedom of Speech is the right people have to bring an exchange of ideas, opinions, information and thoughts to our democracy without censorship from government or private individuals. It’s a beautiful thing, and it’s allowed our society to grow and be progressive. However, this negativity has nothing to do with democracy, it’s just harassment. Slandering, threatening, defamation, and badgering someone cannot be hidden underneath the veil of free speech. This entire mess, to me at least, is the infringement of people’s right to life and privacy. Dhillon’s actions are showcasing misogyny, sexism, bullying, predatory behaviour and promoting a sense of rape culture. This is unacceptable.
In today’s society, women should not be judged for their individuality by the traditional standard of being a “good wife” or “good daughter-in-law”. If women want to stay at home and be a homemaker, more power to them! If they want a career in the workplace, they should have the support to do that as well. It is not the responsibility of a woman to maintain the unity of the family and community alone. It is the job of the family and community to love, support and uphold harmony together.
The denial in the South Asian community that gender-based oppression exists and that it is only limited to women in a minority of families is wrong. So many people believe that women are weak and vulnerable, which causes women to be subjected to harassment and then silence. This entire mindset needs to shift. As a society, there needs to be a focus on gender equality. Males and females should be treated equally. Families and educational institutions need to promote women’s rights, because they are human rights. In a society with so much technology, innovation, progressive democratic governments and importance on education, there are endless possibilities for ourselves and our future generations.
Nonetheless, I acknowledge the fact that not all South Asian families hold these views. In fact, as a young South Asian woman myself, I am for the most part privileged and do not face the amount of adversity many of my sisters around the world do. However, with my privilege comes the responsibility to stand in solidarity with other women despite their race, ethnicity, religious background, sexual orientation, or disability to fight for their right to life and equal treatment. Women have made great progress from the past, but the fight for women’s rights is far from over. Even as a privileged woman, I know that I am not equal because I still am subjected to misogyny and sexism everyday. However, by standing together, empowering one another, and gaining allyship, we can break the status quo and make a positive change.
*Disclaimer: Featured image is not mine. Retrieved here. All other images are screenshots of evidence that exists on either @panjabibitchesblike or @essmahil on Instagram.
**Disclaimer: I just want to say that these social views are soley mine as they are the concoction of my own experiences of the world, thus do not reflect anyone else. I respect everyone’s opinions, even if I disagree, as that is what makes free speech so amazing. This article is not to push my views on any readers, but rather just an outlet of my feelings and thoughts on this specific topic. If I have offended you in any way, I truly want to apologize as that was never my intention. I also want to mention that I do acknowledge the fact that not all South Asian families fall into the characterisitcs I have mentioned above. South Asian cultures are so diverse and beautiful with so many amazing attributes. However this article was to address those in our community that do have this particular mentality. Lastly, never be afraid to speak out about what is important to you. Positive change can only occur if we don’t settle and keep the conversation going. Always remember to treat people with respect and dignity.