“I have a friend, and she was raped.” Never did I think that my friends would be able to say such a thing about me.
“Before she even got to start her first year at university, a guy decided that he was going to take advantage of her while she was drunk during a party happening in her residence.” Never did I think that something like this would become a part of the story of who I am as a person.
I was drunk and vulnerable, and a stranger decided that he was going to take me back to his room. There was no consent; he didn’t even ask me before he pulled me away from the safety of the public space of my floor’s lounge.
The worst part is how common of a story this has become in our country today: 1 in 4 women in Canada will experience a sexual assault at some point in their lifetime. It is almost criminal just how high that number is, and it’s just downright distressing that less than 10% of these instances will be reported out of the almost 700,000 assaults committed in Canada annually.
Though I couldn’t stop myself from becoming the 1 in 4, I stopped myself from being a part of the over 90%: I reported my sexual assault as soon as I was able to at least somewhat process what had happened to me, and I realized that I wouldn’t be feeling this way if it truly was just a drunken one-night stand. I wouldn’t have been feeling so afraid, so violated and helpless, with this gnawing feeling in my gut that something truly awful had just happened to me.
The fear, the humiliation, the shame, and the feelings of helplessness that all come swarming in after experiencing sexual assault can make it almost impossible to speak up about the experience. So much of the stigma and the myths that surround the issue makes it even harder.
Just recently, the women that chose to speak up against Jian Ghomeshi helped call public attention to the major issue rape is becoming in Canada and the fact that it is something that is not being discussed. The CBC radio host was discharged from his position after three different women, either current or former employees of the CBC, came forward to police with allegations of sexual assault at the end of October or beginning of November. Even a male student from York University, where Ghomeshi went to school, came forward after more than 25 years with a complaint of assault. Nine other women spoke to media outlets about instances of violence that Ghomeshi committed against them.
Amidst the media frenzy over Ghomeshi’s allegations, the hashtag of #BeenRapedNeverReported started trending on Twitter, as many victims and survivors started sharing their stories with the world for what was potentially the first time for most. Even if it was through the relative anonymity that Twitter allows, the strength that many women had to share their stories is something that deserves admiration and respect. I was very happy to see the overwhelming support that started pouring out as soon as this hashtag started trending. Moments like this help encourage the discussion and learning that should be taking place surrounding this issue, because it is so much more than just “important” that we start talking and working towards solving this issue together.
As a whole, we need to stop the stigma and the belief that the choice to speak up about sexual assault will not help anything. Aside from the physical consequences that can result from sexual assault, the mental and emotional damages are something that cannot be ignored and something that no person should have to struggle through alone: man or woman. After my own experience, I wish I could reach out to every single survivor to let them know just how important it is that they speak up, even if it’s just to pursue the mental and physical health care that they will need following the trauma. I can’t imagine anyone managing to struggle through such a thing on their own, especially when they should not have to feel like they have to or that they have no other option.
Many women may be concerned about coming forward and dealing with the legal side that will inevitably come up as a result. The court proceedings, according to many women, can be just another incredibly invasive and traumatizing experience to go through. However, this should not be deterring anyone from coming forward. The potential trauma of a courtroom should never be a deterrent from seeking help, as it is truly up to the victim whether pursuing legal recourse would be worth it. For some, it may not be, but the help that can be offered by coming forward should never be considered as a waste of time. Whether charges are pursued or not, no harm should come out of speaking up and speaking out about what happened.
Sexual assault leaves its mark on every party involved, but we can reduce its impact by making it easier and safer for the survivors to come forth and get the assistance they need. It is an issue that is better dealt with out in the open, rather than keeping it locked up inside the minds of survivors and hidden behind closed doors.
Let the issue be talked about. Let it be known, worked on, and resolved, so perhaps these depressing numbers don’t end up being so drastic in the future. Let it not be trivialized and undermined at every turn by people who think that the numbers aren’t as bad as they seem. Let the issue get the respect it truly deserves in fair, open, and honest conversation.
Let the 1 in 4 be a thing of the past.