A period that lasted a month, pain in my left hip. Things I overlooked at the time, but when the pain intensified, I decided to go to the hospital. Hours later, I found out that I had been pregnant, something I didn’t think was possible. More tests were run, and they told me I had a miscarriage. I came home to an overwhelming amount of grief. A baby I didn’t know was there, and I never got a chance to say either “Hello,” or “Goodbye.”
Miscarriages are more common than you may think, and they often happen to a woman before she even realizes she is pregnant. Miscarriages take place in the early weeks of pregnancy, starting at week 0 and the risk falling by week 28. Weeks 0 to 6 is the time where miscarriages are at the highest risk. Miscarriages tend to happen when chromosomal mistakes take place during the creation phase of a pregnancy, and there’s no control over it. The way that a mother lives their life can also affect the pregnancy. There’s also a chance of an ectopic pregnancy happening, a pregnancy where the egg is fertilized in the fallopian tube, risking the lives of both the baby and the mother.
Feeling emotional
This experience taught me the emotionality of having a baby that wasn’t planned, and it left me with a sense of failure. I felt that as a mom, I failed my child since I didn’t get a chance to care for it while it was growing inside of me nor when the baby would have been birthed. I also felt that I failed getting past the first few stages of a pregnancy.
Grieving
The heartache I experienced and am continuing to experience is challenging, as parents risk having another miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy taking place after having your first one. I am excited to have a baby in my arms eventually, but I am also afraid that the next baby will remind me of the baby I never got to meet. Asking a health care provider what your next course of action is if you want to try again is a good idea.
Seeking Support
Some people tell mothers who have lost their unborn child that they shouldn’t grieve as much over this loss, as the pregnancy wasn’t that far along and it should be easier to handle than a pregnancy that was further along. But grief is a normal feeling, and it is a process that must happen at your own pace. Sharing your experience with women who have also experienced a miscarriage is reassuring, as these women understand how you feel and have experienced it themselves. If this grief starts to interfere with your life and your ability to continue your daily routine, you should speak to a health care provider and seek that support.
Couples Grieving
Your partner will also feel grief, and it is important to understand that they might not fully understand every aspect of your grief. Miscommunication will happen, as the birthing parent might cry when the miscarriage is mentioned and their partner will learn not to bring up this topic. The birthing parent might assume that their partner doesn’t care, but they do and want to assist in the healing process.
Health Issues
After a miscarriage, mental health issues may last months or years. There will also be bleeding and discomfort after your miscarriage, and it is recommended to use pads afterwards, as tampons can cause infections after experiencing something as traumatic as this to your birthing organs. If the bleeding is very heavy and goes on longer than 2 weeks you need to see your doctor immediately or go to your nearest emergency department. It is also recommended that you avoid having sex until the bleeding stops, so that an infection doesn’t develop. Yeast infections after a miscarriage are also common, so keep an eye out for itching and burning.
Please take care of yourself both emotionally and physically after your miscarriage. This is a very sad time, and you will need rest and time to learn to cope with what works best for you. If you need support, please feel free to message us on our social media.
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