When others are treated unfairly, I always speak up. When I’m treated unfairly, I tend to remain silent. My biggest concern isn’t that I need to communicate my feelings; instead, I’m always thinking about the other person and how I don’t want them to feel bad for hurting me. This kind of thinking makes me keep everything bottled up inside, which leads to explosions over the smallest things.
This year, I’ve decided that I want to start putting myself first. This means telling others not only that they’ve offended me, but how they’ve done so. This new attitude won’t just be better for my mental health, but it will also be better for my relationships. It’s not fair to the people I’m close to if I never tell them what bothers me then freak out at them over what appears to be nothing.
What I’ve only recently learned is that putting yourself first isn’t selfish, and self-love isn’t all gentle mindfulness techniques and healthy living. Sometimes, it’s about being confident and loud. I’ve also learned that people will not always like you once you start speaking up for yourself, but that’s okay, because you’ll start to like yourself a lot more.
I know I’m not the only person that feels this way. I want to urge others to speak up for themselves and stop feeling like a burden when they do. We’ve all seen and heard clichés like,
“Love yourself before you love anyone else.”
“Be your own bae.”
And, “I am not beautiful like you. I am beautiful like me.”
Overused or not, there is truth in them. What many people do not realize is that self-esteem is not limited to your outside appearance. It is about the mind just as much as it is about the body. I think it’s time to give ourselves the benefit of the doubt that we tend to give to others and to defend ourselves with the same ferocity that we defend those we care about. That’s why my New Year’s resolution does not apply to how others see me but to how I see myself.