5 Intimate (But Not Sexy) Ideas For Valentine's Day

I’ve never really liked Valentine’s Day. Not because I think it’s a cheap Hallmark holiday meant to sell candy and lingerie, which I don’t. I think any day that encourages people to show more love to each other is a good idea, especially in a world that takes pride in being cynical and detached from other people. My problem isn’t with Valentine’s Day itself, but the culture that decided romance and sex were actually the same idea. See, I’m asexual. That means that unlike 99% of the population, I don’t experience sexual attraction. It’s been hard for me to connect with the idea of Hallmark love when it all seems to lead to an unappealing inevitability -- the fade to black that doesn’t actually fade in real life.


However, if you find your special someone who respects your lack of interest in sex, or if you find yourself or your partner unable to have sex this Valentine’s Day, don’t despair! We’ve got you covered. Time to take ‘getting intimate’ back to its roots with 5 nonsexual activities to do with your significant other(s) this week.


  1. Netflix and...Netflix: Time to actually watch that movie or binge that TV show you’ve been meaning to. You and your SO can put on your comfiest pyjamas, pop some popcorn, and snuggle up together on the couch for a couple hours. Pro Tip: Grab a comforter off the bed for maximum comfort. If you’re really an expert, this is the perfect time to lovingly stroke your SO’s hair or rub their back. And really, is there a better way to show someone you love them than by yelling at the cooks on Chopped* together? I doubt it.

  2. Cook Together: Instead of trying to get a reservation on Valentine’s Day (and if you’re reading this, I’m sorry, but you’ve already missed your chance), why not cook your own dinner? Choose a recipe you’ve never made before and run to the grocery store together to aimlessly browse the aisles. Pick up a few extra bags of chips while you’re there. Or, pretend you’re on Chopped, and each pick a few items, then come together and cook a meal from them. If it ends up completely inedible, you can always order pizza. Either way, giggle at an old cliché by feeding each other and resisting the urge to shove a whole piece of cake in their face. I get it. It’s so tempting.

  3. Spa Night: Break out your bath bombs and fanciest scented candles. Face masks run 3 for $5 at Shoppers Drug Mart if you’re on a budget, but there’s plenty of higher-end options if you and/or your SO already have an extensive facial collection. If you’re more into vegan or DIY options, the internet is a vast resource of recipes to try. Take a sweet-smelling bath with some essential oils or fill the tub with bubbles, which you can do separately, or try and squeeze in together. Watch Chopped in matching housecoats or your favourite pyjamas while your hair deep-conditions. Pick your favourite moisturizer and take turns giving each other a relaxing back massage. Taking care of each other will leave you feeling warm and happy!

  4. Written Appreciation: If you’ve been together a long time, you can begin to take your feelings for granted. Rekindle those sleeping butterflies by taking a page out of the past and write your SO a letter about how much you appreciate them. If you have any fancy stationery you’ve been saving for a rainy day, break it out and pick your fanciest pen. Some good memories to include in your letter could be your memory of how you first met, something sweet they did recently that you appreciated, or something about them that you really admire. Don’t be afraid to bare your heart and get a little vulnerable. It’ll pay off when they read it.

  5. Actually Sleep Together: Sometimes being intimate is about doing separate things together. We’ve all spent a whole day dozing in bed, even if we feel a little guilty. February is a wet, grey month, so cut through those blues by staying indoors. Bring everything you need to keep yourself entertained and make a game where you can only be out of the bed for sixty seconds at a time (because, you know, you can’t do everything together). The pair of you can keep warm as you drift in and out of sleep, between idle Chopped watching, reading, or your favourite handicraft hobby. Listen to their soft, contented breathing (or loud, terrible snoring) and remind yourself how lucky you are to know someone so special.


Happy Valentines Day!


* We are not sponsored by Chopped but I wish we were. I just love cooking shows.