Many of us have been the victims of our significant other giving into temptation. After my break-up with my ex-boyfriend, I thought there was something wrong with me. It wasn’t until much later that I realized how much of an untruth that was. Unfortunately, we often find out about infidelity through the grapevine of gossip. Still, others never find out. After dating someone for a long period of time, trust is created. It’s the most sacred part of the relationship. When you find out you’ve been cheated on, everything you thought you knew vanishes in a matter of seconds. This letter is not so much for my ex as it is for all those who have had an unfaithful SO. It hurts more than you think it ever could, but you come back stronger and less willing to put up with any less than you truly deserve. Dear Ex, I know that your true intentions were for you to be happy and for me to never find out what you did. I’m sorry that after being together for so long I wasn’t enough to keep you happy. I’m sorry that you chose to cheat on me, rather than telling me that you found someone else.
My love for you hasn’t left completely, and it probably never will. Although I will continue to love you and everything we’ve had, I will never be in love with you again. Our time was precious and each memory has been archived, but what you did was much more than break my heart. You broke a sacred bond of trust. For a long time after we said our goodbyes, I still wasn’t ready to trust anyone. This was a new and scary experience.
Moving out and not seeing you gave me a new start, but it also meant I had to meet new people. My fear of trust kept me from being able to do that. I wasn’t able to make friends or talk to people. Every day was hard. Not knowing what was someone was capable of, left me in a constant state of fear. I was afraid of trusting someone, and breaking that bond all over again. My nights were lonely. I often spent them alone in my room, my only company being a gallon of ice cream. I was hurt. This was the only way I knew how to deal with sadness, with being broken.
Months went by, and the days got better. Sunshine and a little coffee brought me happiness. I started finding the beauty in the little things. The way rain drizzled down my car window, the smell of fresh cut grass, and even the drive to work brought me joy. I realized at that point, I was going to be okay. I could find pleasure in the little aspects of everyday life. I was content by myself. I decided I didn’t need you, or a boyfriend, to bring me happiness. I didn’t want one relationship to cause me to stop trusting people. It wasn’t fair to everyone else in my life. One mistake should never be the reason to fall as hard as I did.
Never again will I let a relationship define my happiness. Now I know I am the one who determines it.
XOXO,
Samantha