An Open Letter to My Selfish Friend

I would drop everything in a heartbeat to be there for you. No matter what time of day even when I’m tired and it seems like the whole world is against me, I would do anything for you. I would stand by your side through it all. I listen when you want to be heard, I’m the shoulder you cry on. Over and over again I think about writing this letter to you, I keep hitting the delete button but for the first time I feel brave enough to speak, to tell you how you make me feel and to tell you that you are the person who holds me back.

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I keep putting myself second and making sacrifices for you.

Sometimes I think I seek people that need me, that are more broken, that need healing, someone like me. I’m a smiler, you know the type of person who seems to be full of joy, someone who is always smiling and somehow never mad or angry; thats me, that has always been me. But, I can no longer smile and listen when I know you don't really care what happens to me or how I'm feeling.

You’re not the only one with a broken heart. The boy that I thought liked me, it turns out he never did. But its okay, I know your heart is more broken than mine.

You're the person who can never be topped. If I had a bad day, you had an even worse day. My accomplishments are nothing to yours, and you make sure that I know.

Did you know that I every time I hear his name I cry? Did you know that you're not the only one who cries herself to sleep? Did you know that I haven't seen my parents in six months?

You never ask.

You’re not the only one with problems. Maybe I should have said something earlier, but I know that your happiness comes first. When I ask if you're ok I really mean it and I want to be there for you, but I can't be part of a friendship that consists of only me. I want you to ask me how my day was and really listen.

I can no longer be part of this black hole that you're sucking me into. I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to think about my well-being for a change. I love you, I really do. But it's time I say goodbye.