Every college student loves winter break, partly for the whole Christmas “shebang” and because it’s the end of yet another semester. That usually spells no classes or homework, plus spending time with friends and family, baking and presents. Unfortunately for me, it wasn’t like that this year.
At the beginning of the month, my grandmother got sick and began her, rather short, final journey. The original onset of her ordeal made me mad. I wasn’t angry with anyone in particular, but I was not happy. Really? It had to be right now? This close to Christmas? One of the only times of the year I believe could never be ruined, and now my grandmother was dying. All that time that I usually spent with my mom was gone because she was constantly at the hospital with my grandmother. Was I ashamed of this anger? Yes. It wasn’t her fault or my mom’s fault. It’s not like my grandma chose to begin to die.
Then, a week before Christmas, on Dec. 16, my grandmother died.
Now death is never an easy topic, especially with it being so close to one of the most anticipated holidays of the year. For obvious reasons, it did put a damper on the usual traditions, but we tried to make the most of it.
My mom and I still baked. We had her side of the family over for Christmas Eve like we usually do. It was almost like old times, though her death still silently loomed over our heads.
Now, I’m not here just tell you my story, I’m here to tell you that you can get through losing a loved one, whether during the holidays or any time of the year. The experience of losing someone is different for everyone, but I do have some advice after going through it myself.
Spend time with the ones who are here
Being able to hug the family that it still around you is a great feeling. They’re solid and they’re there for you. Though we don’t like to dwell on it, you’re friends have gone through it, too. Spending time with the ones, whether family or friends, will make you feel a little better. You still have people there for you.
Ask questions
Even though it’s been a little over a month since my grandmother’s passing, I still ask my mom questions about her. It keeps her memory alive. Plus, it will sometimes put my mom in a better mood when she remembers some of the funnier moments from when grandma was around.
I remember looking thought some of the old photos that my grandma had, asking my mom who some of the people in the photos were that I didn’t recognize. There were a lot of pictures of grandma wearing bathing suits and standing on the steps of the pool. As it turns out, she made most of the clothes she wore, including the bathing suits in those photos. She even made most of the clothes my mother wore, too.
Take your mind off it
I worked a lot over the break, which helped some. I did see older ladies come through and stop in my line, chattering away while they waited for gas, their grandkids, or even their order. While it wasn’t easy, it did help some. It was just enough to keep it off my mind most of the time. Find something similarly mundane that will help keep your mind off everything while you’re healing.
Reach closure
Closure always helps. Cry it out. Hug it out. Get to a point where you can take a deep breath, know it happened, and give a small smile. They may not be here anymore, but you are. And all their memories are with you.
What my grandmother’s death taught me was to appreciate life as much as I could, spend time with the people that are here, as well as make life unforgettable. That was a pretty awesome Christmas present.
Though you didn’t remember me the day before you died, I will always remember you, Grandma. I love you.