The media likes to portray big boobs as if they are a blessing. They’re great for getting attention, accentuating amazing shirts, having awesome cleavage and all around “glorifying.” I hate to burst your little boob bubble, but I’m here to tell you that that’s a lie.
As someone who has natural G breasts, I know a thing or two about boobs. And I’m here to tell you the top nine things girls with big boobs are tired of dealing with.
1. I’d kill to have your boobs!
Oh, really? You want my boobs? I’d love to have yours! No back problems, shoulder dents, or tight skin whenever you take your bra off. Bonus, you can go braless without much notice. That’s pretty awesome. Plus, you can buy some pretty cute bras for a decent price.
2. Unwanted attention.
You know how many guys I get staring at me? I don’t want that. I personally don’t know many people who do want that. Yeah, thanks, but no thanks. Please go back to whatever else you were doing and I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear you say anything as I walked by.
3. Nothing fits.
For real. Everything is either too tight around my boobs or makes me look super frumpy. Whatever the media is showing about amazing looking shirts IS A LIE. The really cute shirts, that hug your breasts just right, giving you amazing cleavage, and gives you a nice hour-glass like shape. Unless you really know a thing or two about fashion, that’s not a real thing.
4. Everything is low-cut.
Just because I have big boobs does not mean that I want to show them off. I feel like I need to repeat that: Just. Because. I. Have. Big. Boobs. Does. Not. Mean. I. Want. To. Show. Them. Off. But I know designers try, and I get that. So many of my shirts end up showing off the girls, that I’ve given up. If it happens, it happens.
5. No one looks you in the eye.
I guess I have two new eyes on my chest, since that seems to be where a lot of attention is. I’m not showing them for your pleasure. I’m showing them because I don’t have a choice. The least you could do is make it less obvious.
6. Bra shopping.
Those are the two most nerve-wracking, tear inducing words to a girl with big boobs. (The most exciting being insurance paid, breast reduction!) Until you’ve found your shop – which I totally have, after 20 years – it’s going to end in pain and tears. Nothing fits and everything is beige. I want cute polka dots too! And, even if you do find your bra place, having to shell out 60+ per bra is just as bad. You can never really win.
7. Your boobs touch everything.
Squeezing through a crowd is impossible. You brush your boobs against everything and everyone. It gets to a point where you are, begrudgingly, used to it. It becomes odd when it doesn’t happen. You are going to brush your boobs against everything. It’s fact.
8. Your bra is your worst enemy…and best friend.
Besides making you cry when finally finding them and then making you empty your wallet, they are a pain. Literally. You’re underwire can snap at the weirdest times and then try to shank you. You think you had a bond but it turns out you didn’t! Plus, it can be tight until you get used to it, but it’s also your best friend. There is literally no one else who would support you any better (pun completely intended).
9. Crumb catcher.
Your food will almost never reach the ground- it will just land in between your boobs. Everything you eat will end up there. Of course, if a chip falls the wrong way, you’ll feel like you’re dying. It’s mainly a lose-lose situation. And, yes, we totally eat the booby-food. Unless you find it hours later stuck in your bra – that’s a little too gross.
So, while you may think big boobs are amazing, they’re not. They really are not. They’re the source of all my pain and unwanted attention. But, sadly, you learn to live with it. Rock what you got!
Cover photo courtesy of True&Co